Thoughts from 35,000 ft: It Is So Damn Glamorous Up Here

I know I have been slacking the past few weeks on posting but specifically on posting these weekly posts that I promised all you faithful followers!  For that I am forever sorry.  Between Paris, the jet lag from Paris and then the trip I just got off of I have been preoccupied.  But I am back!  Back with lots of thoughts as well!

These past 4 days I have been earning my premium pay slaving in first class.  I'm just kidding, I actually like working first class because you are hardly ever bored.  People expect you to cater to their every whim so they will run you ragged by the end of the day.  That is fine though because with all the catering comes the stories and rampant thoughts.

As my trip came to end, I only had to work one flight home, a 4 hour flight but regardless just one!  This is the holy grail of flying for me!  I hardly ever get off that easy but when I do I am a happy flight attendant.  I finished my meal service and finally sat down for a second to eat my lunch and take a breath.  As I sat there eating my cranberry and mandarin orange salad off a plastic tray, I thought I wonder if those fabulous Pan Am girls did this back in the day.  Here I was curtain drawn in the galley sitting on a box, eating off a plastic tray, shoes off, feet on a hot water bottle because they were getting frostbite and killing me.  After 4 days I was not this glamorous barbie doll traveling the friendly skies and being fabulous but rather an exhausted, sleep deprived hot mess trying to hide that behind concealer and lipstick.  But is it ever glamorous....NO.  Our job has been listed as NUMBER 3 on several "Jobs Most Detrimental to Your Health" lists.  Nothing that high up on the list could be considered glamorous too!

Let me let you in on all that is not glamorous about our "glamorous" career:

1. Beauty sleep is not a real thing because some of our hotels feature green carpet and come with horror stories of bugs and mice.  This means you carry all your luggage into the room hoping it doesn't touch the floor, then you put on socks to walk around the green carpet which you will later throw away just in case! Right before you jump into bed trying not to touch the comforter.
2. We spend way too much money on face creams, sleeping pills and coffee just to survive the sometimes 4 hours of sleep.
3. That red lipstick I flaunt has been all over my face at some point in the day which means makeup touch ups in the bathroom before, during and after flights.  And god luck getting it off once in your hotel room!  May the odds be ever in your favor.
4. Since I am only a year deep into this mess I usually fly with "senior" flight attendants some want to love you and keep you from being bitter and some want to ruin your life for the duration of the flight so good luck smiling through a 12 hour duty day when Nancy keeps making your announcements, being rude to passengers and telling you how it was in the good ole days before all the mergers.
5. When you are working in First Class, you will serve meals on plastic trays that make the whole set up look cheap but the passengers are expecting a meal worthy of a Michelin star.  Surprise I just heated up your meal in the "oven" and who knows how long it was on this cart before I did that.
6.  Everyone thinks that I get to go to Hawaii every week and everytime I complain about my job someone chimes in "well sometimes times you go to Hawaii so it really can't be that bad"...one time actually, and two times my parents took me to Hawaii for free too so actually shut up because I have spent the past 6 months with 8 hour layovers (enough time to sleep for 4-5 hours then do it all over again) in freezing cold Minnesota, scariest hotel ever Reno, and a number of other mundane places and the cool places I never actually get time to see because the layover is too short or my hotel is in another city all together.  For example the Chicago long layover is next  to some mall 2 hours north of the city!
7.  On the note of traveling, yes I travel for free but only when there are open seats on a flight and only when my schedule permits so that awesome Paris trip I took is not attainable every month but you're right I travel for free so that's all that matters
8.  People make comments like "flying is so not what it used to be" to which I want to counter, neither is the caliber of people who travel, as that passenger walks barefoot into the bathroom with their barefoot child.  My point here is that the people on planes are not as glamorous as they used to be either. 
9.  Let's talk about the polyester-wool blend we also call a flame resistant uniform! Not only do you sweat walking the 5 miles from your car in the employee parking lot to the train you take to the airport, but then you burn up on the plane that isn't cooled because its 110 in Phoenix and  you have to set up your galley which is a workout! All this gross fabric making us sweat all so we don't go up in flames, well we are required to wear pantyhose which will adhere to our skin if we have to slide down the escape slide!
10.  On the note of painful things, we spend up to 14-16 hours a day on airplanes.  Want to know what that does to our skin?  Drys it out, breaks it out and forces us to pray to the skin gods if we weren't genetically blessed with amazing genes (I was not blessed).
11. Our sleeping schedules are unreal as well...going to sleep after a red-eye, waking up at 3am on the east coast when your base time is 3 hours behind that.  All-nighters where you get 3 hours of sleep before your next van time (that is 3 hours if you sleep in your uniform with your makeup on).  And don't forget when you get minimum rest every night with maximum working days.
12. Thank god we no longer have to face weekly weigh ins because, we eat most of our meals in airports or on the plane.  We gain weight and lose weight and do it all over again.  All that fast food is bad for your skin too but so is not eating because you didn't have time to pack food then never had time to get off the plane and get something.
13. Lastly, if you are on Reserve like I am, crew scheduling will call you whenever they want.  We are on call everyday (except our off days) for 12 hours to 24 hours.  They will call you at 2am when you just dozed off, they will call you when you're on your second jam singing in the shower, they will call you while you are in yoga.  If they want you they will call and you are required to answer no matter what!  So we sleep with our phones on loud, set to the most annoying ringtone, and pray we get through the night before our number is up.

Basically the only thing glamorous about flight attendant life is our ability to be glamorous on our own and the vacations we take on our days off!  But, hey, I am still going to do my hair and put on red lipstick and smile for the masses and maybe one day we can make those Pan Am girls from back in the day proud.  Until then I'll be serving you cheap wine and lukewarm nuts. See you at 35,000!

xxx

B

Thoughts From 35,000: Tales From my Exit Row

I just got home from a trip and on this particular trip I had to work on our "big" plane...its not actually that big of a plane in comparison to others in our fleet.  The position I was working meant that I got to sit in that awkward jumpsuit in the exit row facing the passengers sitting in that row, which will usually illicit conversation or a staring competition followed by staring out the window.  Today I got both.  Grab your alcohol and let's do this!

Mr. and Mrs. Upgrade:  This couple boarded my plane as if they were movie stars and grumbled as they passed through first class and took their seats in the exit row.  Once boarding was finished they tried to peer from their seats to see anything open in first.  I can't judge because I have done it too however, when the gate agent walked back and upgraded 2 passengers that were not them, they immediately decided we were the worst airline ever! How dare we!  They sat in silence the entire flight all 4 hours of it.  Upon landing the person sitting next to them asked why they were in phoenix, they responded for the Phoenix Open.  The look on their faces when he called it the "wasted management open" was priceless (she was not impressed more offended and her husband was mad that someone let her in on what he got her into).  I wanted to comment that they were attending the drunkest golf tournament there is not Wimbledon, but I kept my pretty mouth shut and told them to have fun!

The Traveler and The Lady Boss:  Sitting right next to my jumpsuit were two women who until this fateful moment had never met!  I could tell this is where they usually sat because when I walked over all of their bags were neatly placed under the seat.  This is usually a conversation I have to have with all the passengers sitting there (you do have to put them on the floor and under the seat, the couple previously mentioned didn't like that either).  They were immediately engrossed in quick conversation, first the usually who are you and where do you come from but it evolved into a highly fascinating conversation.  One was smitten with Paris and shared all her stories about the city of lights and how she's become fearless about traveling all over the world.  The other woman shared her stories of starting her own chocolate business (you know I was really interested in eavesdropping on that conversation).  Her chocolates are made unlike any others and because of that they have a very earthy taste to them and are not all that bad for you!  I walked away from that conversation dreaming of Paris at the end of the month and of eating tons and tons of chocolate, which reminds me I need to find her store!  These were some seriously inspiring women!

The Engaged:  If you have ever flown into Charlotte you know that you land and then you practically drive across state lines to actually get to the gates so while we drove to the airport the two men in my exit row began to chat about life.  Come to find out the young man in the aisle was recently engaged.  He started telling the already married gentleman in the window about how he did it and how freaking nervous he was.  The gentleman told him that was how he knew it was right, nervousness and being scared is ok, his son had just gotten engaged as well and felt the exact same way.  AMEN.  I listened and smiled all the way to gate about proposals, wedding plans, and their lives.

Pilot 1 and Pilot 2:  Sometimes you end up with people on your plane who will share their whole story with you, who you end up having real conversations with knowing when the flight ends you will never cross paths again.  This happened with Pilot 1&2 that night.  Immediately the one who was sharing leg room with me asked about my trip and where else we had to go that night, the usual small talk between two people in the same line of work.  The somehow we started talking about our dreams and what we wanted out of life.  He was working for our regional carrier but planning on making the jump to main line in the near future.  He lived in Charolette, bought a house and learned how to be a grown-up over the years.  Now he speaks to new pilots and teaches in his off time.  I told him about my love for the law and he urged me to go to law school, Harvard has online classes now right?  Pilot 2 talked about his family and pilot life on reserve and how to have a life and love your job in this line of work.  We laughed and chatted about everything and nothing.  They grabbed their bags and Pilot 1 parting words were go out and see the world, have fun, then do whatever you want, best of luck!

Like I said in my first post in this series I get to meet all these people everyday, some I talk about with admiration and some I talk about with disgust.  You never meet the same person with the same story twice though.  Till next week!

xxx
B

Hello Darling: The Rules of Being a Lady

I recently read an article on the rules governing what makes a gentleman, and I thought, why haven't I ever read something like this for women! Sure there are books on manners and how to host a dinner party and of course, the "how to win a husband" ones but why can't I just find a quick read on how to be a modern lady. I quickly began compiling a list of things I believe in, have been told by my mother, or have observed from women I am in awe of.  As the list fell together not only did I have a better sense of the woman I am becoming everyday,  I knew I had to share this with as many other women as possible.  So without further adieu, my rules!

1. Read: read the news, read books, read people
2. Invest in stationary: now send letters weekly
3. Find your signature scent
4. Call your parents: we often forget as we get older that they to are getting older and they miss the little kids we used to be
5. Embrace your tribe: these are your people, they have your back when you can't get out of bed and when you are on top of the world                                                           
6. Color your hair: but remember that the color you were born with was given to you for a reason but go crazy.  Just don't forget your roots
7. Stop judging: others and yourself
8. Drink Bourbon: know when and how to do so
9. Play dress up
10. Learn to listen: listen to everyone, you never know when you will need someone to hear you or what you will learn by hearing others
11. Be gracious: always
12. Learn to dance
13. Learn to cook: know 3 recipes well and experiment from there.  You will cook for lovers, friends and the family of your lover as well as your family so it's a skill worth cultivating
14. Travel: alone, and with someone. Go out and explore. Find yourself in cities and people all around the world
15. Photograph everything: the internet holds most of our memories now but print out pictures and keep them in books 
16. Call your grandparents: they want to know you are ok, they also have the best advice and recipes
17. Invest:  in your shoes, your bed, and your coats
18. Eat alone:  find a place where you can grab a seat and enjoy your own company
19. Go on dates: with yourself, "treat yo self"
20. Workout: how you want and when you want.  French women walk to cafes, some women run marathons, do what you love
21. Shoot: get comfortable with a gun in your hands
22. Gamble: learn to play poker
23. Party: gather everyone around a table and have yourself a dinner party
24. Love hard: give boys(or girls) a chance to know you and love you.  The greatest love is that which you have for yourself and the love you give to those around you without needing it in return.  LOVE HARD 
25. Collect art
26. Wear vintage
27. Cultivate your passions
28. Know how to walk in 6" heels but always have black flats in your bag
29. Invest in a beautiful handbag
30. Don't Settle:  in any aspect of your life
31. Kiss the gentleman 
32. Find your "style"
33. Take care of your skin
34. Get manicures and pedicures
35. When you meet the family, bring them something special
36. Write thank you's 
37. Stand up for yourself and for others
38. Buy the drinks sometimes
39. Learn a language (or 2 or 3)
40. Put away electronics: you will enjoy those couple hours without interruption
41. Write your own stories: every day
42. Know the dress code: when in doubt overdress
43. Buy fresh flowers
44. Laugh and make those around you laugh
45. Find your signature red lip
46. Know when to say no but never say no to an adventure
47. Have lunch with the women you admire and pick their brains because they have stood where you do and they know things you do not
48. Accept nothing less than the best from the men you allow into your life.  He should open doors for you and never leave you wondering how he feels about you
49. High standards are not high maintenance
50. Maturity doesn’t mean age; it means sensitivity, manners, and how you react
51. Give your time to the people who need it most
52. Prioritize: you don't have to have it all together but you should be put together
53. Do not gossip, just don't
54. Drama is best served on a stage or in a movie not in your life
55. Wit is admirable, learn to dish it with ease
56. Care too much
57. Become unforgettable
58. Be kind: overly kind, kind to everyone, cultivate kindness in every aspect of your life
59. Embrace your flaws: they very well might be your greatest strengths
60. Remember that you are allowed to be a masterpiece and a work of art simultaneously
61. Believe in fairytales
62. Always tell the truth
63. Never stop learning: intelligence is utterly sexy
64. You know what else is sexy, confidence! Own who you are and who you are becoming
65. On that note: continue evolving
66. Understand that ambition is not a dirty word
67. Wear pretty things under your pretty things, even better under you sweats
68. Be able to use and understand sarcasm, it is a sign of social competence
69. Being a good person will never go out of style
70. Embrace the ability to tell people what they mean to you
71. Do not ever pressure anyone into anything, this includes your boyfriend and putting a ring on it
72. Compliment everyone
73. Years, lovers, and glasses of wine are things that should never be counted
74. How you treat people will ultimately always describe the kind of person you are
75. Love people through the worst of times and in the best of times.  You have the ability to change someones life with love, never take that for granted
76. "You're a woman, bring every man you meet to his knees"

There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows who she is and where she is going.   You are amazing now go out and change the world!

I would love to keep adding to this list so please add all your rules in the comments!

xxx

B

Wear Lipstick That is Too Dark

I have a real flair for the dramatics, especially when it comes to dressing and my lipstick choices.  In my new found career though I spend most days in Polyester-Wool Blend uniforms.  I value the occasional brunch that deserves heels and I have come to terms with dressing up for no reason other than to run errands.  I have also learned that sometimes in life you just have to put on the killer "fashion girl" outfit, wear lipstick that is too dark, and blast some Taylor Swift or gangster rap.  This among these next 10 lessons are what I have learned while surviving my pre-quarter life crisis.

Lipstick: Marc Jacobs / Top: Kate Spade (worn backwards) / Pants: JCrew

lesson #1: Everyone fails in their 20's
      I kid you not, everyone.  Just google someone you admire or who aspire to be like and see where they were in their 20's.  This when you get to quit jobs and travel.  This is when you figure out who you are and what you want.  So go out and fail.  Fail hard.  Keep doing it again and again until you find yourself and what you want.

lesson #2: Keep kissing losers
      Kiss all of them! Kissing burns calories (see below).  Kissing releases endorphins and those make you happy.  Kissing losers will make appreciate the winner when you kiss him too.  So keep kissing!

lesson #3: Eat the cupcakes (and popeye's and pizza and all the other "bad" food)
      There is nothing wrong with indulging in the delicious things in life.  Enjoy them because one day they will make you really fat and it won't be fun anymore.  So for now indulge and if you feel like you must, go to the gym or a hot yoga class.

lesson #4: Leave your comfort zone
      For me, it was leaving all the sure and practical options behind and taking up life at 35000 feet.  If it terrifies you, you should do it.  Someone famous once said that but I can't remember who.  The farther you get from your comfort zone the more you learn about yourself.  (one more way to discover who you are!)

lesson #5: Wear ballgowns to lunch and heels to the grocery store
      You have to get it where you can!  Dress up for no reason at all.  Or do the opposite and don't dress up, wear sweats all day and be really effing comfortable!  You can never be overdressed, because if you are people will just think you are coming from somewhere better or going somewhere better.  Also, if you are in leggings with a giant shirt on people think you just came from a spin class with Victoria's Secret models but,  jokes on them because you might have just rolled out of bed, they'll never know!

lesson #6: Find your red
      Of the 10 red lipsticks I own, there are 2 I love.  I have yet to find the exact shade of red I truly want to become my signature red, though.  Red lipstick fixes everything and it makes you look like a badass so find your shade.

lesson #7: Find your moisturizer
      Mine is Clinique Superdefense.  It is a daily moisturizer with SPF and prevents aging.  It also combats free radicals and radiation which I am exposed to at higher than normal levels being a flight attendant.  You want to be a hot 30-year-old and an even hotter 40/50/60-year-old so start treating your skin right now.  Give it the best chance it has against what life will throw at it.

lesson #8: You don't have to party like you did in college to be a cool kid
      Don't get me wrong, I can still party, but it is no longer something I find myself obligated to do.  While I can no longer drink frat boys under the table, you'll almost never find me dancing on a table, and I spend more nights enjoying a glass of wine instead of handles of flammable vodka, that doesn't mean a good time isn't necessary sometimes.  There are a million other ways to be a cool kid too, though.  Go out and have a good time if you want to but this is not recruitment, you are no longer required to be blackout.

lesson #9: Drink the wine, the whiskey, the vodka and the Pina Coladas
       Stock you bar cart for the rainy day drink, the roommate had a shit day drink, you had a shit day drink, the celebratory drink, and the well we have the alcohol so we should drink it, drink.  We always have at least one bottle of wine in the house.  Currently, we have 4 bottles of wine and vodka, we are clearly ready to party!  Champagne Thursday is also a holiday everyone should celebrate (it is ok if Thursday comes every day too)

lesson #10: Find your Band of Bitches:  Mine are scattered all over the world.  I have a few fabulous queens who give me life and who are the most fabulous bitches I know.  I have two roommates who are the Destiny to my Child (G is Beyonce).  Then there is Miss Arkansas who I swear is my soulmate.  And of course, there is my little hippie dream aka training roomie!  Then there are the original bitches who are mentioned in the orginal band of bitches post.  Everyone needs a band, and coming from the girl who is really good at being alone, if I think you need one, you do.

Bag: Target customized by Me / Sandals: Target

 xxx
B

Long List of Ex Lovers

Disclaimer:  No boys were hurt in the making of this post, ok maybe just one or two (I kid).

      I have dated every type of guy there is and loved just about as many of them.  I claim to be a cold hearted, love hating, and black soul bearing girl when it comes to romance, but truthfully I see the best in people. I have taken a flying leap of faith for guys more often than I care to admit.  With that in mind, I would like to introduce to you to my long list of ex-lovers (well some of the more memorable ones I should say).  I loved and lost and while some of them I had relationships with and some were boys I just couldn't make stick around they all have a story or better yet a song.  I hope you find my trials and tribulations an inspiration to keep kissing boys or girls or both to find your love story.  After all Taylor Swift got hers.

Continue to share your heart with people even if it has been broken.

-Amy Poehler, Harvard Speech

Fifteen: When you are 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you're going to believe them.  He was my first everything.  At 15 then 16 I thought he was it.   Baseball star and the boy who called me out on my not so black heart, the first boy I flew across a country for, and the first boy to break my heart.  From NM to FL he was my teenage love story that set the tone for years and years to come.  Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine.  Cause when you're 15 you give everything you have to boys who change their minds.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together:  This is just exhausting.  Everyone will date someone who you seem to constantly have in your life.  You dated, then became friends, talked about dating again, dated other people, are still friends, and then talk about dating again.  You have so much history and you've been there for each other through the best times and the worst, but eventually you wake up and realize your "relationship" is exhausting and gosh always so dramatic.  At this point, you have to just spare each others feelings and say you are never ever ever getting back together like ever.

Innocent: Every girl will at some point date a bad boy, mine was rock n roll dream.  Problem with bad boys is they are filled with trouble.  But I learned to just sit back and enjoy the music, to live with a certain amount of passion from him.  It was a brief moment shared, but I know I will always find him in certain towns on buses with bands.  Just know, your string of lights is still bright to me, Oh, who you are is not what you've been.  You're still an innocent.  It's okay, life is a tough crowd, 32, and still growin' up now, who you are is not what you did. You're still an innocent. Time turns flames to embers.  You'll have new Septembers, every one of us has messed up too. Minds change like the weather I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.

Begin Again: There I was all dressed in black staring out the window silently hoping no one would sit next to me when you stopped and asked if the seat was taken.  I took one look at you and knew this was going to be an interesting flight.  I was going to Chicago, first time back since moving and you were heading home.  You thought I was funny and said you'd never met a girl quite like me.  We talk about your soccer career and whiskey and our families like we were catching up over coffee.  You offer to get my bags for me and grab me a cab and you have no idea how nice that is.  I say goodbye and you kiss my cheek and just like that I watched it begin again.  I'd spent the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end but on that day on a plane, I watched it begin again.

Bad Blood:  You were the nice guy till you weren't.    My parents loved you, always a gentleman, held my hand, opened doors, and smiled at me like I was something more.  Smooth on TV and smooth with me.  Last time I saw you I thought we actually stood a chance.   Bandaids don't fix bullet holes, you love like that blood runs cold.  It used to be mad love so take a look, a look what you've done because baby now we got bad blood.  If you're coming my way just don't.

I’m just not interested in the things that won’t last forever.

-	John Mayer ( Interview: ‘Recovered Ego Addict’)

Clean:  You told my best friend you were in love with me so I took a chance on the boy who was supposed to be "the nice guy", it was snowing and I realized I was falling, then it was spring and I was sure of you.  You never let me hold the umbrella because when I did you ended up wet, I taught you that cerulean was a color and danced around your bedroom to Fleetwood Mac.  Summer came with one sided I love you's but with fireworks in July came hope with your arms wrapped around me and the pictures to prove it, until August when you said goodbye.  It was months and months of back and forth, you were all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore.  Hung my head, as I lost the war and the sky, turned black like a perfect storm.  10 months sober I must admit just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it.  

Dear John/ Wonderland:  Flashing lights and we took a wrong turn and we fell down a rabbit hole.  You held on tight to me because nothing is as it seems.  We found wonderland you and I got lost in it and life was never worse but never better.  I reached for you, but you were gone.  You search the world for something else that makes you feel like what we had, and in the end in Wonderland we both went mad.  It was the first day of my new life when you introduced yourself to me, then the next day you surprised me by remembering me.  Weeks passed with quick hellos and I never would've thought that a month later I would be making you fall in love with New York.  Serendipity, kisses on street corners, eating our way through NYC and conversations about everything we wanted out of life.  I showed you all the places that inspired me and little did you know you'd inspire me too.  I finally thought I had got it right.  I will miss our conversations and hell I'll miss you.  You call yourself a monster, but I know deep down you're just scared to try.  I should've listened to your warnings, should've never given you too much time, but I saw how good, good could be and ignored all the warning signs.  And you'll add my name to the long list of others who just don't understand and I'll look back and regret not listening when they said run as fast as you can.  You are an expert at "sorry" and keeping lines blurry.  (I'll see you in an airport someday)

You will kiss hundreds of frogs, you will cry millions of tears, and you will have thousands of adventures in the search of love.  Fight for love and love all the stupid boys even if just for a minute.  I promise you every jerk who breaks your heart will teach you a lesson about yourself and while you might lose the boy, I hope you find yourself, and I hope that just like for me that somehow that is everything.

If you gotta force it, just leave it alone. Relationships, friendships, ponytails.. Just leave it.

-Reyna Biddy xxx B

Thank you, Taylor Swift,  for writing exactly what all of us girls think and feel!

Single and Never Sure How to Mingle

Several months ago I decided on being single for 18 months (a la Taylor Swift) and well now that I am quickly approaching 1 year of being "super" single, I decided we should revisit the issue or better yet the journey.

As I write this I am cup number 2 of coffee (new favorite Glazed Chocolate Donut) and have found out that yet another ex is married, I am pretty sure every ex I have ever had is in a serious relationship.  I am just here being cool, drinking coffee and champagne, buying expensive clothes, and traveling the world.

Needless to say I am a hopeless romantic and let's stress the hopeless part because let's be honest, who wants to date someone who spends 75+ hours a month in the air and is rarely sure where she is, where she is going, or when she will be home.  Now for the romantic part, well I want the flowers and the whole fairytale thing but I also want to be left alone sometimes so maybe I am just really confused on what a girl has to do to find her prince charming.  I also refuse to kiss any frogs so that idea is a no go!  But you have to ask what does a girl gotta do to get some consistency?

If you asked me, I would tell you that all I really want is someone who is constant, no mess, no confusion, just simple relationship.  I realize that what I am looking for only exists in an alternate reality.  Is it that hard to just like someone though and let that be enough?  I don't think so, we are a society inclined to endless options, why have one when you can have two, always scared of commitment or connecting with someone too much, a fear of missing out fuels the egotistic and un-monogamous views of society.  This is my downfall in the dating scene because I literally cannot talk to multiple people at one time, someone ends up slowly getting pushed out and then all my eggs are in one basket (no pun intended).  But everyone else is doing it so why can't I figure out how to casually date till I find the one worth keeping around?  I have never been a casual person, unless it comes to my wardrobe but even then you'll find me in a ball gown for brunch on occasion.  So again I ask what's a girl gotta do? 

I'm starting to think that if I can casually date people that one has to actually end up being worth my time but how annoying that I had to waste my time with the guys who don't work out, not to mention probably share personal details of my life and what not while I was at it.  My life might end up being a real life bachelorette season.  Maybe that is exactly what a girls gotta do, open up and see what happens!  Which leads me to my next adventure, giving guys a chance, date and share my life with a few people and see if I find Prince Charming.  I think a few times I could have found him, maybe if I had tried just little harder, told him how I felt, risked a little more.  Maybe you have to risk more in life.

“Life is too damn short and [screwed] up to go through it silently loving someone and never telling them how you feel. [Screw] the consequences, [screw] the implications of the actions, to hell with it all… whatever happens as a result is better than the nothingness that is inevitable with silence.”

—	Janis Joplin  (via wordsnquotes)

Then again being single, chugging champagne, and traveling the world has been pretty great thus far.  At the end of the day I'm not going to settle for someone who thinks I'm anything less than extraordinary, better yet magical and if right now I'm the only one who see that then I would rather be single.

“This is not a girl who waits by the phone. This is a girl who picks up the phone and calls whoever she wants.”

—	BJ Novak on Mindy Kaling (via woman-rebel)

This could be forever, or it could go down in flames...(thank you Taylor for writing another song about me)

What's a darling to do?

xxx
B

You Were Born to Fly

I should have known that "12 days of Blyss" was never going to work, I am famous for underestimating how busy I actually am and thus found myself unable to post or stay ahead of my posting schedule so I could follow through on this mission of mine.  However, the 12 days are now up and with the new year here I would like to share with you some lessons I learned last year.

1. GO.  Just leave you don't need to plan or explain.
2. Keep in touch.  The majority of my friends now are not just a quick drive away.  They are scattered all over the country.  We have to stay in touch and now its just done in hour long phone calls and random text messages. 
3. There is no shame in taking a step back.  I had to move home this year to figure out what they hell I was doing. But remember to take two steps forward after your step back.
4. When in doubt of anything watch an 80's movie.  They are filled with witty remarks, grand gestures, and the greatest love stories and the best endings.
5. Enjoy the little moments and invest in the things that make you smile.
6. No one knows what they are doing, especially in their twenties.  Anyone who tells you different is a liar.
7. Allow people to leave you.  They need to, you might not understand it but you must allow it.  
8. Keeping that last one in mind, edit your life ruthlessly.  Get rid of anything, anyone, and everything that you no longer need.  Do this often and without apology.
9. Travel.  As often as you can and as far as you can.  See the world! Realize your place in it.
10. Find yourself.  It is going to hurt like hell, it is going to bring about a lot of changes but in the end it is the greatest thing you can do for yourself.

These are just a few of the many lessons life taught me this year.  It was quite a year to say the least.  So now to kick off this new year I have come up with some resolutions.  First off I am going to learn a new language probably french because it sounds expensive.  Next I am going to embrace uncertainty, I am a girl with a plan but this year maybe a few less.  I also resolve to learn how to throw a punch, how to shot a gun, shotgun a beer, and play poker.  A girl should be able to hang with boys, drink tea with the queen and roll with the girls.  Lastly I am going to surprise myself everyday and maybe along the way do something truly incredible.  This is my year and I hope it is yours as well.

xxx

B

Pinot Noir and Murder

So it is Friday and I thought since this evening I will be enjoying copious amounts of wine and having a binge session on Netflix in my giant bed, I should spend day 3 sharing my favorite things for a night in!

First a loaded Netflix queue of movies I have never seen and TV Shows that have multiple seasons.  Next you will need a drink of choice, for me it’s Pinot Noir.  The prettier the bottle, the better! Yes I chose wine based on the bottle.  Lastly snacks, I will be heading to Target on my lunch to pick up some brie and crackers and probably a pizza, some chips, and I think I will make some queso too! 

Now that you all the essentials you need to make sure you are completely comfortable and content.  For me this means throwing on my favorite slip and a giant sweater.  So put on whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.  I like to think if I am interrupted from my evening alone I could just hop out of bed slip on cute shoes and run out the door like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City the movie.  Luckily, though, I do not plan on being interrupted.

This has become one of my favorite rituals, yes it is a ritual.  I tend to spend the week dealing with crazy people or trying to not go on feminist rants when every guy who walks in thinks it is appropriate to blurt out exactly what he is thinking, so having a night to not deal with anyone or anything has become a real luxury. 

I hope all you darlings have a fabulous Friday whatever you do, and if you find yourself spending the night as I am please fill the comments with Netflix recommendations!

XXX

B

Single Girls Guide from the Perpetually Single

Someone once said "I'm not surprised that you don't have a boyfriend.  I don't want you to take that the wrong way, I just don't think that very many people your age would be able to keep up with you.  You know who you are and you know what you want to do.  Your eyes light up when you talk about your passions, and you're not afraid to defy social norms and be who you are.  And all of this, it scares people."

I know a couple things about being single because I have a self-proclaimed black heart and absolutely no belief in love...ok yes I am clearly delusional and a liar.  However regardless I have loved a boy here and there so I get what heartbreak followed by navigating single life is like (a horror film in black and white) especially after you go through a rough breakup.  On that note, here we go, as many of you know I am a lover of being alone, my bed and Netflix is an endless love affair and I am ok with that. For those of you who are not so good at alone time, embrace it because there is nothing as settling and as wonderful as learning how to be ok alone and like it. It has taken me a long time to master the art of being alone and liking it and there are definitely moments when I call up a BFF and bitch about how I miss my ex or hate that I have no plans on a Saturday or even Friday. Not to mention this whole being alone thing is a lot harder not being in Chicago because I could go to the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM then grab a Tea and wander around till all hours or grab dinner at 10 pm and not feel weird for eating alone. Not to mention in a world where all my friends are in committed relationships, moving in together and planning futures it is easy to get a little bitter. It can get hard being the 23 year old grown up who prefers nights in with tea to a night drinking cosmos with strangers in a packed bar. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a night out, getting dressed up solely for the looks that ensue when I walk in but that’s something I prefer to do every once and awhile now. So what to do when you realize more of Taylor Swift's songs speak to you than not? Well throw on some pretty lingerie and dance by your hot ass self. Which leads me to well, my dancing alone moment.
I have decided that regardless of what Prince Charming might come riding up with flowers on a gallant horse to court me I am spending at least 3 years being single (I am 4 months in) well at least 18 months (because that’s how long TSwift has been single and the girl is killin it so might as well follow in her footsteps).  That being said I have also discovered a new perspective on breakups and relationships.

My new perspective is:  People do not change, they become who they truly are.  You have to allow people to do this, you have to allow people to experience life and grow and figure things out.  This is usually best done alone.  You have to gracefully let people take their exit and one day if it is meant to be it will be; the reverse Murphy’s Law.   And hey maybe in a few years maybe in a few months you guys can have dinner and it will be like no time has passed or he will show up with a boom-box outside your window or on a lawnmower and you can have the great 80’s movie ending! (This scenario is my dream by the way).  On being in a relationship, you do not need and should not need constant contact, they are not Rom-Coms, and if you love someone you make sacrifices and compromises and you never view them as such.  I want the relationship I look forward to everyday.  I think the idea is that you know it is real without hesitation or a need for reassurance.  I want to have my life and he has his life and we celebrate that together.  It is that or nothing, because being single isn't the worst thing.

This is not anything new or profound.   That annoying phrase “if you let something go and it comes back it was meant to be” come to mind?  Now you are thinking easier said than done right? You really love him! Life alone is miserable!  He is probably off sleeping with every girl on Tinder!  But wait your best friends saw him and he is miserable so you should try to win him back!  STOP, stop it right now.  He left, let him go.  He needs to do his thing even if it is sleeping with every girl on Tinder, and if that totally kills your respect for him then move on.  Also while everyone involved may be regretting the breakup, it happened because one or both of you thought at the time it was the best decision, and at the time it probably was.  But now, this is your moment to make sure you are the absolute best person you can be because if you get your 80’s movie montage you will thank me for reminding you that while you miss him and I understand that, you need to learn to be alone before you can truly be with someone else. 

So now what to do with all your free time? BE SELFISH!

•       Join a gym, find classes you like! ( I am a fan of hot yoga 3-4x a week and I want to start kickboxing)
• Invite a friend over to drink copious amounts of wine and watch Netflix with you. (I do not recommend Salem but Grey’s Anatomy never gets old)
• Become a member at a museum.  Treat yourself to a latte and a stroll admiring someone else’s thoughts.
• Go on a million first dates.  Literally just go on one, max three dates with people you find interesting or just extremely attractive and be the one who walks away.  POWER TRIP and an EGO BOOST.
• Spend an entire day, better yet spend an entire weekend in your favorite lingerie or pajamas and read books and watch gossip girl and drink way too much tea and coffee.  You will realize this is actually an amazing ritual and will learn how to comfortable alone.
• Lastly pack a bag, gas up your car and take a road trip! Document the whole thing in pictures, tweets, whatever you want

So call him, ask him to coffee, text him if you must and tell him you love him, and tell him you are going to be being a bad-ass and that he is welcome to call if he ever misses you and realizes you guys deserve another chance and then walk away. 

However if you just got out of a horrible relationship and he is not worth a second of your time, or maybe you thought he was but this post changed your mind; delete him.  Remove him entirely from your life and make sure he stays gone.  Then follow steps 1-6 and your Knight in Shining Armor will one day appear.  If he doesn't who cares buy yourself something shiny and rescue yourself!

This is dedicated to all the single girls who think fighting for love means constantly trying to get back together with your ex, to all the girls who are in relationships because it seems better than being alone, and to one of my best friends who asked me how I do it.

XXX
B