Thoughts from 35,000 ft: It Is So Damn Glamorous Up Here

I know I have been slacking the past few weeks on posting but specifically on posting these weekly posts that I promised all you faithful followers!  For that I am forever sorry.  Between Paris, the jet lag from Paris and then the trip I just got off of I have been preoccupied.  But I am back!  Back with lots of thoughts as well!

These past 4 days I have been earning my premium pay slaving in first class.  I'm just kidding, I actually like working first class because you are hardly ever bored.  People expect you to cater to their every whim so they will run you ragged by the end of the day.  That is fine though because with all the catering comes the stories and rampant thoughts.

As my trip came to end, I only had to work one flight home, a 4 hour flight but regardless just one!  This is the holy grail of flying for me!  I hardly ever get off that easy but when I do I am a happy flight attendant.  I finished my meal service and finally sat down for a second to eat my lunch and take a breath.  As I sat there eating my cranberry and mandarin orange salad off a plastic tray, I thought I wonder if those fabulous Pan Am girls did this back in the day.  Here I was curtain drawn in the galley sitting on a box, eating off a plastic tray, shoes off, feet on a hot water bottle because they were getting frostbite and killing me.  After 4 days I was not this glamorous barbie doll traveling the friendly skies and being fabulous but rather an exhausted, sleep deprived hot mess trying to hide that behind concealer and lipstick.  But is it ever glamorous....NO.  Our job has been listed as NUMBER 3 on several "Jobs Most Detrimental to Your Health" lists.  Nothing that high up on the list could be considered glamorous too!

Let me let you in on all that is not glamorous about our "glamorous" career:

1. Beauty sleep is not a real thing because some of our hotels feature green carpet and come with horror stories of bugs and mice.  This means you carry all your luggage into the room hoping it doesn't touch the floor, then you put on socks to walk around the green carpet which you will later throw away just in case! Right before you jump into bed trying not to touch the comforter.
2. We spend way too much money on face creams, sleeping pills and coffee just to survive the sometimes 4 hours of sleep.
3. That red lipstick I flaunt has been all over my face at some point in the day which means makeup touch ups in the bathroom before, during and after flights.  And god luck getting it off once in your hotel room!  May the odds be ever in your favor.
4. Since I am only a year deep into this mess I usually fly with "senior" flight attendants some want to love you and keep you from being bitter and some want to ruin your life for the duration of the flight so good luck smiling through a 12 hour duty day when Nancy keeps making your announcements, being rude to passengers and telling you how it was in the good ole days before all the mergers.
5. When you are working in First Class, you will serve meals on plastic trays that make the whole set up look cheap but the passengers are expecting a meal worthy of a Michelin star.  Surprise I just heated up your meal in the "oven" and who knows how long it was on this cart before I did that.
6.  Everyone thinks that I get to go to Hawaii every week and everytime I complain about my job someone chimes in "well sometimes times you go to Hawaii so it really can't be that bad"...one time actually, and two times my parents took me to Hawaii for free too so actually shut up because I have spent the past 6 months with 8 hour layovers (enough time to sleep for 4-5 hours then do it all over again) in freezing cold Minnesota, scariest hotel ever Reno, and a number of other mundane places and the cool places I never actually get time to see because the layover is too short or my hotel is in another city all together.  For example the Chicago long layover is next  to some mall 2 hours north of the city!
7.  On the note of traveling, yes I travel for free but only when there are open seats on a flight and only when my schedule permits so that awesome Paris trip I took is not attainable every month but you're right I travel for free so that's all that matters
8.  People make comments like "flying is so not what it used to be" to which I want to counter, neither is the caliber of people who travel, as that passenger walks barefoot into the bathroom with their barefoot child.  My point here is that the people on planes are not as glamorous as they used to be either. 
9.  Let's talk about the polyester-wool blend we also call a flame resistant uniform! Not only do you sweat walking the 5 miles from your car in the employee parking lot to the train you take to the airport, but then you burn up on the plane that isn't cooled because its 110 in Phoenix and  you have to set up your galley which is a workout! All this gross fabric making us sweat all so we don't go up in flames, well we are required to wear pantyhose which will adhere to our skin if we have to slide down the escape slide!
10.  On the note of painful things, we spend up to 14-16 hours a day on airplanes.  Want to know what that does to our skin?  Drys it out, breaks it out and forces us to pray to the skin gods if we weren't genetically blessed with amazing genes (I was not blessed).
11. Our sleeping schedules are unreal as well...going to sleep after a red-eye, waking up at 3am on the east coast when your base time is 3 hours behind that.  All-nighters where you get 3 hours of sleep before your next van time (that is 3 hours if you sleep in your uniform with your makeup on).  And don't forget when you get minimum rest every night with maximum working days.
12. Thank god we no longer have to face weekly weigh ins because, we eat most of our meals in airports or on the plane.  We gain weight and lose weight and do it all over again.  All that fast food is bad for your skin too but so is not eating because you didn't have time to pack food then never had time to get off the plane and get something.
13. Lastly, if you are on Reserve like I am, crew scheduling will call you whenever they want.  We are on call everyday (except our off days) for 12 hours to 24 hours.  They will call you at 2am when you just dozed off, they will call you when you're on your second jam singing in the shower, they will call you while you are in yoga.  If they want you they will call and you are required to answer no matter what!  So we sleep with our phones on loud, set to the most annoying ringtone, and pray we get through the night before our number is up.

Basically the only thing glamorous about flight attendant life is our ability to be glamorous on our own and the vacations we take on our days off!  But, hey, I am still going to do my hair and put on red lipstick and smile for the masses and maybe one day we can make those Pan Am girls from back in the day proud.  Until then I'll be serving you cheap wine and lukewarm nuts. See you at 35,000!

xxx

B

Thoughts From 35,000: Tales From my Exit Row

I just got home from a trip and on this particular trip I had to work on our "big" plane...its not actually that big of a plane in comparison to others in our fleet.  The position I was working meant that I got to sit in that awkward jumpsuit in the exit row facing the passengers sitting in that row, which will usually illicit conversation or a staring competition followed by staring out the window.  Today I got both.  Grab your alcohol and let's do this!

Mr. and Mrs. Upgrade:  This couple boarded my plane as if they were movie stars and grumbled as they passed through first class and took their seats in the exit row.  Once boarding was finished they tried to peer from their seats to see anything open in first.  I can't judge because I have done it too however, when the gate agent walked back and upgraded 2 passengers that were not them, they immediately decided we were the worst airline ever! How dare we!  They sat in silence the entire flight all 4 hours of it.  Upon landing the person sitting next to them asked why they were in phoenix, they responded for the Phoenix Open.  The look on their faces when he called it the "wasted management open" was priceless (she was not impressed more offended and her husband was mad that someone let her in on what he got her into).  I wanted to comment that they were attending the drunkest golf tournament there is not Wimbledon, but I kept my pretty mouth shut and told them to have fun!

The Traveler and The Lady Boss:  Sitting right next to my jumpsuit were two women who until this fateful moment had never met!  I could tell this is where they usually sat because when I walked over all of their bags were neatly placed under the seat.  This is usually a conversation I have to have with all the passengers sitting there (you do have to put them on the floor and under the seat, the couple previously mentioned didn't like that either).  They were immediately engrossed in quick conversation, first the usually who are you and where do you come from but it evolved into a highly fascinating conversation.  One was smitten with Paris and shared all her stories about the city of lights and how she's become fearless about traveling all over the world.  The other woman shared her stories of starting her own chocolate business (you know I was really interested in eavesdropping on that conversation).  Her chocolates are made unlike any others and because of that they have a very earthy taste to them and are not all that bad for you!  I walked away from that conversation dreaming of Paris at the end of the month and of eating tons and tons of chocolate, which reminds me I need to find her store!  These were some seriously inspiring women!

The Engaged:  If you have ever flown into Charlotte you know that you land and then you practically drive across state lines to actually get to the gates so while we drove to the airport the two men in my exit row began to chat about life.  Come to find out the young man in the aisle was recently engaged.  He started telling the already married gentleman in the window about how he did it and how freaking nervous he was.  The gentleman told him that was how he knew it was right, nervousness and being scared is ok, his son had just gotten engaged as well and felt the exact same way.  AMEN.  I listened and smiled all the way to gate about proposals, wedding plans, and their lives.

Pilot 1 and Pilot 2:  Sometimes you end up with people on your plane who will share their whole story with you, who you end up having real conversations with knowing when the flight ends you will never cross paths again.  This happened with Pilot 1&2 that night.  Immediately the one who was sharing leg room with me asked about my trip and where else we had to go that night, the usual small talk between two people in the same line of work.  The somehow we started talking about our dreams and what we wanted out of life.  He was working for our regional carrier but planning on making the jump to main line in the near future.  He lived in Charolette, bought a house and learned how to be a grown-up over the years.  Now he speaks to new pilots and teaches in his off time.  I told him about my love for the law and he urged me to go to law school, Harvard has online classes now right?  Pilot 2 talked about his family and pilot life on reserve and how to have a life and love your job in this line of work.  We laughed and chatted about everything and nothing.  They grabbed their bags and Pilot 1 parting words were go out and see the world, have fun, then do whatever you want, best of luck!

Like I said in my first post in this series I get to meet all these people everyday, some I talk about with admiration and some I talk about with disgust.  You never meet the same person with the same story twice though.  Till next week!

xxx
B

Thoughts from 35,000: Chapter 1

It occurred to me that I have a kind of special opportunity, being a flight attendant I encounter all these crazy things all day long.  I have hundreds of ridiculous thoughts and stories just from one day on a plane, so why not share all the crazy with you all?  This is the first post in a series that I will post weekly!  Welcome to my world!

As I write this I am 3 hours into a 4-½ hour flight from Charlotte to Phoenix.  The truth is, this is a routine flight for me; I have been on this flight more times than I can count and it is by no means the longest flight I have been on.  This isn’t about the length of the flights though this is about the things that cross my mind while on a plane.  My time is mostly spent working and that is when the most ridiculous of thoughts seem to pop into my head because I swear people turn into their alter egos on airplanes.  Today though I am not working I am merely a passenger.

"Travel is not reward for working, it’s education for living."

I have also probably written my most emotional text messages or blog posts (some never sent or posted) while flying.  This is probably because it is true what they say, “airports and airplanes see the most sincere tears, hellos, goodbyes, and kisses”.  This makes anyone with a heart feel something, and while I have a black heart, I do still catch the feelings occasionally.   When this happens I take out my cell phone and I type.  Once again the writer in me wins.  A few of you reading this have been on the receiving end of one of these messages, it probably started with “so I was flying” or “nothing like a plane ride…” I then proceeded to be emotionally slutty, as Carrie Bradshaw would put it!  Or I just got weird on you out of nowhere and eventually admit that I am either on a plane or smack in the middle of a 4-day trip. 

Here’s the thing, planes bring out the best and worst in people.  I have watched doctors, nurses and EMTs jump to their feet and help me in a medical emergency, I have watched people cry in the window seat hoping no one can see them, I have watched military men and women come on board and tell me they don’t know when they will be back.  Then there are the people yelling at you because their bag won’t fit in an overhead, yelling because you don’t have free snacks, threatening to get you fired because you don’t have a place to hang their parka on the way to Miami.  I can meet around 500 people in a day and all of them have a story.   These people that I meet and their stories are what lead to all my thoughts!

So the thoughts ensue: (these are typed how I would be thinking them to myself):

•           That couple in first class 1A and 1C is who I want to be with my future husband, how did they get here?  Were there fights? Did it take a few tries before the timing was right? Will I find my person?  I think I found my person.  Ok now I am crazy.  Geez they are great
•       Dear god, why on earth do you not have shoes on, no please don’t…really you are going into that filthy bathroom without shoes on! I am judging you so hard.
•       Passenger “where is the bar on this plane, like in the commercial with that hot blonde girl”.  Hmmm I have been wondering that same thing sir since I started working here.  Where is the bar and where are the showers and all those other things that hot blonde girl gets.
•       Same passenger from above “if you get bored miss you can come sit next to me and I’ll keep you company”.  Oh is that so, well unfortunately I would rather entertain myself by coloring, drinking water, eating snacks, or just downright being bored.
•       Passenger “are we going to __blank__” no mam we are going to Antarctica, hope you packed a coat
•       Why don’t people read real books anymore?  Maybe it makes them sick on planes, it makes me want die while flying personally.
•       Do people really think yelling “MISS” at me will make me want to get them that 5^th Jack and Coke?  Why is it always the people drinking Jack and Coke?
•       Is it bad that my unaccompanied minor and I are reading the same book?
•       If you cant lift your bag what makes you think I can? I am not Captain America despite popular belief.  I consider cardio walking up and down this aisle collecting your absurd amounts of trash.
•       How is so much trash accumulated on a plane?
•      Why did no one consult a flight attendant before they made this hunk of metal?
•       Do people really think the seatbelt sign is just on because the captain forgot to turn it off?
•          Is it bad that all I have eaten on this trip has originated from this airplane?
•       Why is your child climbing on the seats, don't you value his life?
•       How much longer?

Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.

—  Ibn Battuta 

Sometimes while flying I get to meet someone and really have a conversation with them, maybe just quick and meaningless but every once and awhile a customer will share a piece of themselves with you and today was a day I got a good story.  I am in uniform so it is safe to say the guy sitting next to me will want to chat, he asks if I am headed home or to work.  Home I say, just finished working.  I ask if he was in Charlotte for the Cardinals game (everyone on this plane was there for that game, the people in first class are currently all talking about it collectively).  He isn't, he is heading to phoenix for work a trip he makes quite often.  Towards the end of the flight we have both finished watching movies and I take out my computer to write and he takes out his to work.  He sees me typing this and asks if I am writing a book, no, I laugh, just a blog.  He asks for the link and I say sorry, I don't give it out to passengers but if you ever find it I hope you like it!  I find out he has pilot friends and has done incredible mission work.  We talk about my want to join the peace corp and his adopted daughter from Kurdistan.  These are the stories that make my job incredible.  And then just like that I hear "flight attendants prepare for landing".  Just like that it is all over with, I will never see these people again, these people with all their stories.   I grab my bags to head home I say it was a pleasure meeting you and I leave.  I will never see him again but he has undoubtedly reignited my fire to change the world in a way.  There is something kind of amazing about the fact that I will do this all over again tomorrow, 500 more people!

xxx

B