Thoughts from 35,000 ft: It Is So Damn Glamorous Up Here

I know I have been slacking the past few weeks on posting but specifically on posting these weekly posts that I promised all you faithful followers!  For that I am forever sorry.  Between Paris, the jet lag from Paris and then the trip I just got off of I have been preoccupied.  But I am back!  Back with lots of thoughts as well!

These past 4 days I have been earning my premium pay slaving in first class.  I'm just kidding, I actually like working first class because you are hardly ever bored.  People expect you to cater to their every whim so they will run you ragged by the end of the day.  That is fine though because with all the catering comes the stories and rampant thoughts.

As my trip came to end, I only had to work one flight home, a 4 hour flight but regardless just one!  This is the holy grail of flying for me!  I hardly ever get off that easy but when I do I am a happy flight attendant.  I finished my meal service and finally sat down for a second to eat my lunch and take a breath.  As I sat there eating my cranberry and mandarin orange salad off a plastic tray, I thought I wonder if those fabulous Pan Am girls did this back in the day.  Here I was curtain drawn in the galley sitting on a box, eating off a plastic tray, shoes off, feet on a hot water bottle because they were getting frostbite and killing me.  After 4 days I was not this glamorous barbie doll traveling the friendly skies and being fabulous but rather an exhausted, sleep deprived hot mess trying to hide that behind concealer and lipstick.  But is it ever glamorous....NO.  Our job has been listed as NUMBER 3 on several "Jobs Most Detrimental to Your Health" lists.  Nothing that high up on the list could be considered glamorous too!

Let me let you in on all that is not glamorous about our "glamorous" career:

1. Beauty sleep is not a real thing because some of our hotels feature green carpet and come with horror stories of bugs and mice.  This means you carry all your luggage into the room hoping it doesn't touch the floor, then you put on socks to walk around the green carpet which you will later throw away just in case! Right before you jump into bed trying not to touch the comforter.
2. We spend way too much money on face creams, sleeping pills and coffee just to survive the sometimes 4 hours of sleep.
3. That red lipstick I flaunt has been all over my face at some point in the day which means makeup touch ups in the bathroom before, during and after flights.  And god luck getting it off once in your hotel room!  May the odds be ever in your favor.
4. Since I am only a year deep into this mess I usually fly with "senior" flight attendants some want to love you and keep you from being bitter and some want to ruin your life for the duration of the flight so good luck smiling through a 12 hour duty day when Nancy keeps making your announcements, being rude to passengers and telling you how it was in the good ole days before all the mergers.
5. When you are working in First Class, you will serve meals on plastic trays that make the whole set up look cheap but the passengers are expecting a meal worthy of a Michelin star.  Surprise I just heated up your meal in the "oven" and who knows how long it was on this cart before I did that.
6.  Everyone thinks that I get to go to Hawaii every week and everytime I complain about my job someone chimes in "well sometimes times you go to Hawaii so it really can't be that bad"...one time actually, and two times my parents took me to Hawaii for free too so actually shut up because I have spent the past 6 months with 8 hour layovers (enough time to sleep for 4-5 hours then do it all over again) in freezing cold Minnesota, scariest hotel ever Reno, and a number of other mundane places and the cool places I never actually get time to see because the layover is too short or my hotel is in another city all together.  For example the Chicago long layover is next  to some mall 2 hours north of the city!
7.  On the note of traveling, yes I travel for free but only when there are open seats on a flight and only when my schedule permits so that awesome Paris trip I took is not attainable every month but you're right I travel for free so that's all that matters
8.  People make comments like "flying is so not what it used to be" to which I want to counter, neither is the caliber of people who travel, as that passenger walks barefoot into the bathroom with their barefoot child.  My point here is that the people on planes are not as glamorous as they used to be either. 
9.  Let's talk about the polyester-wool blend we also call a flame resistant uniform! Not only do you sweat walking the 5 miles from your car in the employee parking lot to the train you take to the airport, but then you burn up on the plane that isn't cooled because its 110 in Phoenix and  you have to set up your galley which is a workout! All this gross fabric making us sweat all so we don't go up in flames, well we are required to wear pantyhose which will adhere to our skin if we have to slide down the escape slide!
10.  On the note of painful things, we spend up to 14-16 hours a day on airplanes.  Want to know what that does to our skin?  Drys it out, breaks it out and forces us to pray to the skin gods if we weren't genetically blessed with amazing genes (I was not blessed).
11. Our sleeping schedules are unreal as well...going to sleep after a red-eye, waking up at 3am on the east coast when your base time is 3 hours behind that.  All-nighters where you get 3 hours of sleep before your next van time (that is 3 hours if you sleep in your uniform with your makeup on).  And don't forget when you get minimum rest every night with maximum working days.
12. Thank god we no longer have to face weekly weigh ins because, we eat most of our meals in airports or on the plane.  We gain weight and lose weight and do it all over again.  All that fast food is bad for your skin too but so is not eating because you didn't have time to pack food then never had time to get off the plane and get something.
13. Lastly, if you are on Reserve like I am, crew scheduling will call you whenever they want.  We are on call everyday (except our off days) for 12 hours to 24 hours.  They will call you at 2am when you just dozed off, they will call you when you're on your second jam singing in the shower, they will call you while you are in yoga.  If they want you they will call and you are required to answer no matter what!  So we sleep with our phones on loud, set to the most annoying ringtone, and pray we get through the night before our number is up.

Basically the only thing glamorous about flight attendant life is our ability to be glamorous on our own and the vacations we take on our days off!  But, hey, I am still going to do my hair and put on red lipstick and smile for the masses and maybe one day we can make those Pan Am girls from back in the day proud.  Until then I'll be serving you cheap wine and lukewarm nuts. See you at 35,000!

xxx

B

Wear Lipstick That is Too Dark

I have a real flair for the dramatics, especially when it comes to dressing and my lipstick choices.  In my new found career though I spend most days in Polyester-Wool Blend uniforms.  I value the occasional brunch that deserves heels and I have come to terms with dressing up for no reason other than to run errands.  I have also learned that sometimes in life you just have to put on the killer "fashion girl" outfit, wear lipstick that is too dark, and blast some Taylor Swift or gangster rap.  This among these next 10 lessons are what I have learned while surviving my pre-quarter life crisis.

Lipstick: Marc Jacobs / Top: Kate Spade (worn backwards) / Pants: JCrew

lesson #1: Everyone fails in their 20's
      I kid you not, everyone.  Just google someone you admire or who aspire to be like and see where they were in their 20's.  This when you get to quit jobs and travel.  This is when you figure out who you are and what you want.  So go out and fail.  Fail hard.  Keep doing it again and again until you find yourself and what you want.

lesson #2: Keep kissing losers
      Kiss all of them! Kissing burns calories (see below).  Kissing releases endorphins and those make you happy.  Kissing losers will make appreciate the winner when you kiss him too.  So keep kissing!

lesson #3: Eat the cupcakes (and popeye's and pizza and all the other "bad" food)
      There is nothing wrong with indulging in the delicious things in life.  Enjoy them because one day they will make you really fat and it won't be fun anymore.  So for now indulge and if you feel like you must, go to the gym or a hot yoga class.

lesson #4: Leave your comfort zone
      For me, it was leaving all the sure and practical options behind and taking up life at 35000 feet.  If it terrifies you, you should do it.  Someone famous once said that but I can't remember who.  The farther you get from your comfort zone the more you learn about yourself.  (one more way to discover who you are!)

lesson #5: Wear ballgowns to lunch and heels to the grocery store
      You have to get it where you can!  Dress up for no reason at all.  Or do the opposite and don't dress up, wear sweats all day and be really effing comfortable!  You can never be overdressed, because if you are people will just think you are coming from somewhere better or going somewhere better.  Also, if you are in leggings with a giant shirt on people think you just came from a spin class with Victoria's Secret models but,  jokes on them because you might have just rolled out of bed, they'll never know!

lesson #6: Find your red
      Of the 10 red lipsticks I own, there are 2 I love.  I have yet to find the exact shade of red I truly want to become my signature red, though.  Red lipstick fixes everything and it makes you look like a badass so find your shade.

lesson #7: Find your moisturizer
      Mine is Clinique Superdefense.  It is a daily moisturizer with SPF and prevents aging.  It also combats free radicals and radiation which I am exposed to at higher than normal levels being a flight attendant.  You want to be a hot 30-year-old and an even hotter 40/50/60-year-old so start treating your skin right now.  Give it the best chance it has against what life will throw at it.

lesson #8: You don't have to party like you did in college to be a cool kid
      Don't get me wrong, I can still party, but it is no longer something I find myself obligated to do.  While I can no longer drink frat boys under the table, you'll almost never find me dancing on a table, and I spend more nights enjoying a glass of wine instead of handles of flammable vodka, that doesn't mean a good time isn't necessary sometimes.  There are a million other ways to be a cool kid too, though.  Go out and have a good time if you want to but this is not recruitment, you are no longer required to be blackout.

lesson #9: Drink the wine, the whiskey, the vodka and the Pina Coladas
       Stock you bar cart for the rainy day drink, the roommate had a shit day drink, you had a shit day drink, the celebratory drink, and the well we have the alcohol so we should drink it, drink.  We always have at least one bottle of wine in the house.  Currently, we have 4 bottles of wine and vodka, we are clearly ready to party!  Champagne Thursday is also a holiday everyone should celebrate (it is ok if Thursday comes every day too)

lesson #10: Find your Band of Bitches:  Mine are scattered all over the world.  I have a few fabulous queens who give me life and who are the most fabulous bitches I know.  I have two roommates who are the Destiny to my Child (G is Beyonce).  Then there is Miss Arkansas who I swear is my soulmate.  And of course, there is my little hippie dream aka training roomie!  Then there are the original bitches who are mentioned in the orginal band of bitches post.  Everyone needs a band, and coming from the girl who is really good at being alone, if I think you need one, you do.

Bag: Target customized by Me / Sandals: Target

 xxx
B

Pinot Noir and Murder

So it is Friday and I thought since this evening I will be enjoying copious amounts of wine and having a binge session on Netflix in my giant bed, I should spend day 3 sharing my favorite things for a night in!

First a loaded Netflix queue of movies I have never seen and TV Shows that have multiple seasons.  Next you will need a drink of choice, for me it’s Pinot Noir.  The prettier the bottle, the better! Yes I chose wine based on the bottle.  Lastly snacks, I will be heading to Target on my lunch to pick up some brie and crackers and probably a pizza, some chips, and I think I will make some queso too! 

Now that you all the essentials you need to make sure you are completely comfortable and content.  For me this means throwing on my favorite slip and a giant sweater.  So put on whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.  I like to think if I am interrupted from my evening alone I could just hop out of bed slip on cute shoes and run out the door like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City the movie.  Luckily, though, I do not plan on being interrupted.

This has become one of my favorite rituals, yes it is a ritual.  I tend to spend the week dealing with crazy people or trying to not go on feminist rants when every guy who walks in thinks it is appropriate to blurt out exactly what he is thinking, so having a night to not deal with anyone or anything has become a real luxury. 

I hope all you darlings have a fabulous Friday whatever you do, and if you find yourself spending the night as I am please fill the comments with Netflix recommendations!

XXX

B

Some Say it Takes a Village...

I prefer to call it a Band of Bitches...

In this world you need to have people to stand by you and believe me if I didn't know that before I moved I know it now.  Girlfriends/Bitches are your soul mates, they are who stand by you and pour you that last shot you shouldn't have and in the morning they do not judge they go to lunch with you and plan the next adventure.  The world is lonely and I live alone now so I have learned that while I love living alone I really miss my old roommate coming home and watching Dance Moms with me or making me a grilled cheese after a long day.  When I am sitting on the bus and there are two girls chatting and drinking Starbucks I get a little misty and remember all the coffees and conversations I have had with my bitches back home.  You don't realize that in friendships it is really the little things that will make you cry after you leave them behind and embark on a new adventure.  Also making friends is going to be the death of me, one because I suck at it and two because I am not kidding when I say I HATE EVERYONE...ok maybe I am kidding a little bit but seriously I do not know how to make friends.

How does a slightly single girl in the city find bitches...

I have a couple friends who I knew before I moved here and luckily one had a great girlfriend whom I like so we can add one to Team Bitches and I know a couple others whom I just need to get in touch with but I am learning that adult relationships require time and work and I can barely handle myself attempting to date a boy much less add girls into the mix.  So, back to why having bitches is so important...well first off being able to be like "hey wanna go kill a couple hours at Starbucks" and have someone agree would change my life! If I asked the boy I'm dating if he was cool with chillin' and eating at Starbucks he would act like I was crazy.  As I am writing this I am in Starbucks and was really contemplating asking him to meet me here for dinner.  Which leads me to the other thing, who am I supposed to call to drink wine and eat takeout and bitch about the boy I am dating....my communication with my band of bitches back home is solely through text except when I cried on my birthday to Alex because well I was having a meltdown over feeling alone in the big city, which lets be honest I am not completely alone but my first birthday where everyone wasn't making plans to hang out with me was weird.   But when you move things change and people kinda forget about you and forget that you are in a huge city practically alone so they also forget you might need them to call and check in.  I forget this quite often seeing as I have not called anyone back home who is not immediate family since I moved.  I guess ultimately I need to find some bitches because I really miss the bitches back home and while they can most definitely not ever be replaced but I could use some girl on girl!

xxx
B