Welcome to a New Year

(disclaimer: This was written to Taylor Swift and Adele lyrics, my apologies for the honesty and length)

It has been a year of incredible growth...

There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.

—	Judith McNaught, Remember When

I started writing this post weeks ago and just hadn't found the inspiration needed to actually write it.  I deleted nearly the entire thing 3 times but the one thing that remained through every edit was that first line..."it has been a year of incredible growth".

I knew I needed to get out of my own head to get it all out and the next thing I knew crew scheduling was sending me on  4 day trip with my first layover being the beaches of Puerto Vallarta.  Sitting on my balcony, pen and paper it all started spilling out.  I listened to the waves crash and just let all my thoughts come full circle.  They say to know a writer is the greatest thing you can do because you'll never die.  Now I understand that because my memories of last year all came back vividly, everyone involved in them included.  I scribbled it all down and now with my headphones in, coffee next to my computer and my phone on do not disturb I share it with you.

I began my year having no clue what I wanted out of life and I ended it knowing exactly what I want and who I am and who I want to be!

I want to do things for people they will never forget. Maybe that’s the best thing I can do in life.

—	Simon van Booy, The Secret Lives of People in Love

When I say I have grown it is no understatement, the girl I was 365 days ago has nothing on who I am today or who I am becoming.  The truth is though I had to lose myself to be able to step back and figure out who I was and what I wanted.  I spent the year learning a lot of lessons some great and some heartbreaking.  I have laughed, loved and cried myself to the girl I am today but I would be remiss to not share all the dirty details with you, so grab your coffee or wine and let me tell you what I learned in my 24th year of this thing we call life.

1. I think the hardest lesson I learned, the most heartbreaking one was that people will leave you.    These people might even be the ones you love and who mean the world to you.  They will disappear with no explanation and you have to let them.  You can't make people stay.  
2. The other awful truth I learned was the people who make promises may not value them as much as you do and they will break said promises.  Get over it and know that the greatest thing you have is your word and keep on keeping your promises.
3. People are also liars, maybe they lied to protect you or because they were scared but they will lie...get over this too.  
4. With that you also have to know that people will come back too and maybe not for awhile but the people who are your people never leave forever, so you have to forgive.
5. Next I had to learn how to not let shitty people who do shitty things ruin my day.  This was hard because I hold people to really high standards and the minute I was let down my whole day or week would just be ruined.  I had to learn that this was more about them than it was about me and it wasn't worth my emotions.  You can't let the bad guys get you down because it only hurts you.
6. Life will give you second chances so you have to give second chances too.  Occasionally a third chance.
7. Alone is not a dirty word.  Embrace it! I can entertain myself, love myself, and have fun by myself therefore the people in my life hold a very special place in my world and the people who end up sucking don't matter so much.
8. On forgiveness, you don't have to forget but you have to make peace with the bad.  Making peace is the greatest thing you can do for yourself because it allows you to move on.
9. You have to get uncomfortable.  Despite popular belief, many and I mean many, social situations freak me out.  This coming from the girl who is usually described as bubbly and outgoing.  Inside I'm usually freaking out.  I overanalyze everything.  Until recently I was really concerned with how other people saw me.  I was always worried about not being picked which is kinda funny because I am certainly not the girl who was always picked first.  I had to learn how to get over feeling uncomfortable and stop being worried that no one actually liked me.  I had to start actually being the girl people described me as and sometimes I still get anxious and freak out over really stupid things like not being texted back but I have learned that it is in being uncomfortable that you learn how to get comfortable.  
10. I learned that taking a leap of faith, choosing the uncertain is actually exciting.  I could've gone to law school this year, could've become the next Elle Woods but I chose to be a gypsy and become a flight attendant.  This was the second greatest thing I did this year.  I have met some of the most incredible people and I spend my days traveling. 
11. In this I learned the meaning of "rest".  Sometimes you need to let yourself sleep in, stay in pajamas all day, binge on Netflix.  I spend days in different time zones and quickly learned that exhaustion is real and it will do a number on you.  It is ok to sleep it off!

    

    
    

12.  I learned that staying in touch is not as easy as it sounds.  Do not for one second forget about the people who are always there for you.  Call, text, write!  Tell people you love them everyday!
13. Adutling is this horrible fear of wrinkles and dying alone mixed with knowing you should eat a salad but you eat popcorn and ice cream anyways.  I realized that its all about balance.  You will get wrinkles but you will not die alone.  Eating popcorn has tons of antioxidants which makes it ok to eat the ice cream but find a place with a good salad and have that tomorrow. 
14. Adulting is also this awful fear of never becoming who you always thought you would be.  And let me tell you, everyday you can reinvent yourself and change.  You really can be whoever you want to be, so stop complaining about how life isn't what you thought it would be and make a change.  I certainly have made plenty.  It isn't easy and it is not always fun but it can be done.
    
15. My most shocking life lesson was that going home is not a sign of failure.  I had this crazy fear that if I ever moved back to New Mexico I would be stuck there forever and would settle for a life I never wanted.  I was wrong.  Going home gave me perspective.  Now home is a plane ride away and I go all the time because it is where I can take a breath.  It is where some of my favorite memories happened.  Its where the people who love me unconditionally are.  Remember to go home, and if you have to move home you are not a failure, let it give you perspective like it did for me.  Know you can always go home.
16. I learned how to be a modern lady by taking notes from women who inspire me and this is probably my favorite lesson.  It was always evolving and lead me to who I want to be today and tomorrow and forever.
17.  I also learned what I want from any man in my life and what I will absolutely not tolerate anymore...I would go into detail but that will make its own juicy post!  You kiss enough frogs and you will find a prince...I promise.
    
18. Red wine will fix everything, even if just for a moment so keep your bar cart stocked, always!
19. Read more books.  Get lost in their stories and let yourself believe in the fairytales.  
20. Go on adventures!  Some of my favorite memories were trips with friends to San Francisco and Portland this year.  Then there were the adventures I had back home, learning to drive stick and spending the day with someone who just makes you smile.  Then there were trips I took by myself to San Fran and NYC!  Visiting my best friend in San Diego and going to disneyland!  You have to have adventures every time you can!
21. I learned that wit and intelligence is the sexiest thing I can possess, so I advise you to never stop learning, never stop growing, and never take life too seriously...laugh a little.
22. The greatest thing I did this year was learn how to let go of my ghosts.  It took me nearly the entire year but I let someone into all the weird and messy that is my life sometimes.  Sometimes you get it right.  I did something I thought I would never do again and that is everything. 

This new year I plan on changing the world and falling in love with every minute of my life.  I will see every inch of this crazy place and dance all over it.  Last year was about finding myself but this year is about being the girl I've become!  I advise you to lose yourself if you must, and never stop dreaming.  

For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.

—	F. Scott Fitzgerald

xxx

B