Someone once said "I'm not surprised that you don't have a boyfriend. I don't want you to take that the wrong way, I just don't think that very many people your age would be able to keep up with you. You know who you are and you know what you want to do. Your eyes light up when you talk about your passions, and you're not afraid to defy social norms and be who you are. And all of this, it scares people."
I know a couple things about being single because I have a self-proclaimed black heart and absolutely no belief in love...ok yes I am clearly delusional and a liar. However regardless I have loved a boy here and there so I get what heartbreak followed by navigating single life is like (a horror film in black and white) especially after you go through a rough breakup. On that note, here we go, as many of you know I am a lover of being alone, my bed and Netflix is an endless love affair and I am ok with that. For those of you who are not so good at alone time, embrace it because there is nothing as settling and as wonderful as learning how to be ok alone and like it. It has taken me a long time to master the art of being alone and liking it and there are definitely moments when I call up a BFF and bitch about how I miss my ex or hate that I have no plans on a Saturday or even Friday. Not to mention this whole being alone thing is a lot harder not being in Chicago because I could go to the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM then grab a Tea and wander around till all hours or grab dinner at 10 pm and not feel weird for eating alone. Not to mention in a world where all my friends are in committed relationships, moving in together and planning futures it is easy to get a little bitter. It can get hard being the 23 year old grown up who prefers nights in with tea to a night drinking cosmos with strangers in a packed bar. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a night out, getting dressed up solely for the looks that ensue when I walk in but that’s something I prefer to do every once and awhile now. So what to do when you realize more of Taylor Swift's songs speak to you than not? Well throw on some pretty lingerie and dance by your hot ass self. Which leads me to well, my dancing alone moment.
I have decided that regardless of what Prince Charming might come riding up with flowers on a gallant horse to court me I am spending at least 3 years being single (I am 4 months in) well at least 18 months (because that’s how long TSwift has been single and the girl is killin it so might as well follow in her footsteps). That being said I have also discovered a new perspective on breakups and relationships.
My new perspective is:
People do not change, they become who they truly are. You have to allow people to do this, you have
to allow people to experience life and grow and figure things out. This is usually best done alone. You have to gracefully let people take their
exit and one day if it is meant to be it will be; the reverse Murphy’s
Law. And hey maybe in a few years maybe
in a few months you guys can have dinner and it will be like no time has passed
or he will show up with a boom-box outside your window or on a lawnmower and
you can have the great 80’s movie ending! (This scenario is my dream by the
way). On being in a relationship, you do not need and should not need constant contact, they are not Rom-Coms, and if you love someone you make sacrifices and compromises and you never view them as such. I want the relationship I look forward to everyday. I think the idea is that you know it is real without hesitation or a need for reassurance. I want to have my life and he has his life and we celebrate that together. It is that or nothing, because being single isn't the worst thing.
This is not anything new or profound. That annoying phrase “if you let something go
and it comes back it was meant to be” come to mind? Now you are thinking easier said than done
right? You really love him! Life alone is miserable! He is probably off sleeping with every girl
on Tinder! But wait your best friends
saw him and he is miserable so you should try to win him back! STOP, stop it right now. He left, let him go. He needs to do his thing even if it is
sleeping with every girl on Tinder, and if that totally kills your respect for
him then move on. Also while everyone involved may be
regretting the breakup, it happened because one or both of you thought at the
time it was the best decision, and at the time it probably was. But now, this is your moment to make sure you
are the absolute best person you can be because if you get your 80’s movie
montage you will thank me for reminding you that while you miss him and I understand
that, you need to learn to be alone before you can truly be with someone
else.
So now what to do with all your free time? BE SELFISH!
- Join a gym, find classes you like! ( I am a fan
of hot yoga 3-4x a week and I want to start kickboxing)
- Invite a friend over to drink copious amounts of
wine and watch Netflix with you. (I do not recommend Salem but Grey’s Anatomy
never gets old)
- Become a member at a museum. Treat yourself to a latte and a stroll
admiring someone else’s thoughts.
- Go on a million first dates. Literally just go on one, max three dates
with people you find interesting or just extremely attractive and be the one
who walks away. POWER TRIP and an EGO
BOOST.
- Spend an entire day, better yet spend an entire
weekend in your favorite lingerie or pajamas and read books and watch gossip
girl and drink way too much tea and coffee.
You will realize this is actually an amazing ritual and will learn how
to comfortable alone.
- Lastly pack a bag, gas up your car and take a
road trip! Document the whole thing in pictures, tweets, whatever you want
So call him, ask him to coffee, text him if you must and
tell him you love him, and tell him you are going to be being a bad-ass and that
he is welcome to call if he ever misses you and realizes you guys deserve
another chance and then walk away.
However if you just got out of a
horrible relationship and he is not worth a second of your time, or maybe you
thought he was but this post changed your mind; delete him. Remove him entirely from your life and make
sure he stays gone. Then follow steps
1-6 and your Knight in Shining Armor will one day appear. If he doesn't who cares buy yourself something
shiny and rescue yourself!
This is dedicated to all the single girls who think fighting for love means constantly trying to get back together with your ex, to all the girls who are in relationships because it seems better than being alone, and to one of my best friends who asked me how I do it.
XXX
B
