Single and Never Sure How to Mingle

Several months ago I decided on being single for 18 months (a la Taylor Swift) and well now that I am quickly approaching 1 year of being "super" single, I decided we should revisit the issue or better yet the journey.

As I write this I am cup number 2 of coffee (new favorite Glazed Chocolate Donut) and have found out that yet another ex is married, I am pretty sure every ex I have ever had is in a serious relationship.  I am just here being cool, drinking coffee and champagne, buying expensive clothes, and traveling the world.

Needless to say I am a hopeless romantic and let's stress the hopeless part because let's be honest, who wants to date someone who spends 75+ hours a month in the air and is rarely sure where she is, where she is going, or when she will be home.  Now for the romantic part, well I want the flowers and the whole fairytale thing but I also want to be left alone sometimes so maybe I am just really confused on what a girl has to do to find her prince charming.  I also refuse to kiss any frogs so that idea is a no go!  But you have to ask what does a girl gotta do to get some consistency?

If you asked me, I would tell you that all I really want is someone who is constant, no mess, no confusion, just simple relationship.  I realize that what I am looking for only exists in an alternate reality.  Is it that hard to just like someone though and let that be enough?  I don't think so, we are a society inclined to endless options, why have one when you can have two, always scared of commitment or connecting with someone too much, a fear of missing out fuels the egotistic and un-monogamous views of society.  This is my downfall in the dating scene because I literally cannot talk to multiple people at one time, someone ends up slowly getting pushed out and then all my eggs are in one basket (no pun intended).  But everyone else is doing it so why can't I figure out how to casually date till I find the one worth keeping around?  I have never been a casual person, unless it comes to my wardrobe but even then you'll find me in a ball gown for brunch on occasion.  So again I ask what's a girl gotta do? 

I'm starting to think that if I can casually date people that one has to actually end up being worth my time but how annoying that I had to waste my time with the guys who don't work out, not to mention probably share personal details of my life and what not while I was at it.  My life might end up being a real life bachelorette season.  Maybe that is exactly what a girls gotta do, open up and see what happens!  Which leads me to my next adventure, giving guys a chance, date and share my life with a few people and see if I find Prince Charming.  I think a few times I could have found him, maybe if I had tried just little harder, told him how I felt, risked a little more.  Maybe you have to risk more in life.

“Life is too damn short and [screwed] up to go through it silently loving someone and never telling them how you feel. [Screw] the consequences, [screw] the implications of the actions, to hell with it all… whatever happens as a result is better than the nothingness that is inevitable with silence.”

—	Janis Joplin  (via wordsnquotes)

Then again being single, chugging champagne, and traveling the world has been pretty great thus far.  At the end of the day I'm not going to settle for someone who thinks I'm anything less than extraordinary, better yet magical and if right now I'm the only one who see that then I would rather be single.

“This is not a girl who waits by the phone. This is a girl who picks up the phone and calls whoever she wants.”

—	BJ Novak on Mindy Kaling (via woman-rebel)

This could be forever, or it could go down in flames...(thank you Taylor for writing another song about me)

What's a darling to do?

xxx
B

Dresses, Boys, Wine, and Magic

Dress and Shoes- Kate Spade, Earrings-Jcrew

If there is one piece of advice that I could offer any girl in this world it is, buy the damn dress!  So what you have to eat like a college student for a week to afford it, or you have to give up your daily coffee run for a month...BUY THE DRESS! Carrie Bradshaw had shoes and I have dresses!  I love them all and proudly display them in the living room where I reside aka Fort Blyss (one day I will do a room tour) because they were worth every penny I spent on them.  Life is too short to not spend it in clothes that make you feel magical!  I step into one of these gems and my whole day is transformed, I could conquer the world if I was so inclined.  

Dress- Ann Taylor, Shoes- Jeffrey Campbell

This idea though about just giving in and allowing for life to be fun and exciting goes beyond the magic of a dress, while I sat here trying to write an entire post on a magical dress I realized that this post wasn't about a dress at all but about how one small thing can quite literally change your life.  Yes, for me a dress has had the power to "change my life" but it is not just about the dress.  You can't sit back and watch your life pass you by, you have to step out there and go for it.  You must dance in the puddles, kiss the boy you find charming, and sing in the car.  It is these small things that all add up and make for a rather eventful day.  

You can say that since starting my new job I have been more inclined to staying home and sleeping on my off days instead of having magically exciting days but this has slowly begun to change for me. Just in this past week I had the greatest movie date of all time with 3 of the most wonderful friends I have made, went on a fabulous shopping date and bought things to make myself feel fantastic, and instead of sleeping after a trip (the usual) I drank wine and had pool hangs (going off of 1 hour of sleep by the way).  Let me tell you, no sleep for wine will always win in my book! 

The fact of the matter is you have to buy the dress, you have to drink the wine, and you have to put yourself out there because with that comes the magic.  I know it is terrifying because you might make a fool out of yourself or someone might stare, or maybe you'll end up dancing all alone, but in the end it is worth every penny.

Dress and Bracelets- Kate Spade, Earrings-JCrew

xxx

B

Grab Your Passport and My Hand...

I am serious, lets go.

I think it is true what they say, that a life without adventures is not a life at all.  At least not for me.  So here I am passport in hand ready to see the world.  I want to dance on white sand beaches at midnight, sip a latte in paris, watch the bulls in spain, drink german beer, sit in the park bench from "the fault in our stars", street race in tokyo, and so so so much more.  I have this rare opportunity before me to see the world and immerse myself into all these different experiences and adventures, so I am running with it.  Whether it is merely a day trip to NYC or San Francisco or a quick trip to lay on the beach in Miami, an adventure is an adventure.  Why not just go?

Before today I was a much more calculated person, I had plans and when plans failed I had more plans and when that didn't work I had anxiety attacks.  I don't know when it happened but slowly I have been learning to let go and jump farther and faster into the unknown.  Just the other day I found myself in New York City at 1 am with absolutely no where to stay and after briefly contemplating sleeping in the park I figured it out and low and behold it is kinda a funny story now.  Just another adventure.  There is truly something to be said for embracing life and just having some fun, whatever that means to you.

For me fun is wandering around at 1 am in the city or drinking coffee at 8 pm with a good book or getting dressed up to go to lunch with friends and play life size jenga.  I can get down with buckets of champagne or sitting at a brewery drinking craft beer to nights turned into mornings on the Vegas strip laughing with your best friends.   It is all these moments that were once adventures that have changed my life.  So why not have more of these moments all over the country...all over the world?

I dare you to join me in an adventure and treat yourself to something out of the ordinary, out of your comfort zone, jump, run, go, travel!  Do something crazy, have insane courage for 20 seconds and surprise yourself.

please grab your passport and never look back!

see you all over the world darlings

xxx

B

Merci Beaucoup

I spent a weekend back in Chicago, and to say it was just what I needed doesn't even scratch the surface of how good this weekend was for me.  From the plane ride with my "hello handsome stranger" encounter to my last cup of coffee with my best friend, the trip was everything.  I finally gained some perspective that I so desperately needed; this life is mine to love, therefore, it will only be filled with people, places, and things that I love.

Now, my last day in the Windy City I was told by one of my favorite people that she occasionally reads this blog of mine which thrilled me immediately! However, she went on to say that one of my posts had really hit home for her and inspired her.  I was floored and could do nothing besides thank her which led to me just thanking her over and over for telling me!

I forget people read my ramblings on here and sometimes I think I'm just doing it for myself, to get whatever I need to out of my head.  It reminded me that I am actually doing something here, sometimes I can feel like nothing is happening because I'm back home where nothing ever happens. The fact of the matter is, everyday I get to sit down at my computer and write.  I get to do what I love and share that.

I guess what I am trying to say is thank you to all of you who are reading this, I hope I continue to inspire you on my crazy little journey of life.

xxx

B 

You Were Born to Fly

I should have known that "12 days of Blyss" was never going to work, I am famous for underestimating how busy I actually am and thus found myself unable to post or stay ahead of my posting schedule so I could follow through on this mission of mine.  However, the 12 days are now up and with the new year here I would like to share with you some lessons I learned last year.

1. GO.  Just leave you don't need to plan or explain.
2. Keep in touch.  The majority of my friends now are not just a quick drive away.  They are scattered all over the country.  We have to stay in touch and now its just done in hour long phone calls and random text messages. 
3. There is no shame in taking a step back.  I had to move home this year to figure out what they hell I was doing. But remember to take two steps forward after your step back.
4. When in doubt of anything watch an 80's movie.  They are filled with witty remarks, grand gestures, and the greatest love stories and the best endings.
5. Enjoy the little moments and invest in the things that make you smile.
6. No one knows what they are doing, especially in their twenties.  Anyone who tells you different is a liar.
7. Allow people to leave you.  They need to, you might not understand it but you must allow it.  
8. Keeping that last one in mind, edit your life ruthlessly.  Get rid of anything, anyone, and everything that you no longer need.  Do this often and without apology.
9. Travel.  As often as you can and as far as you can.  See the world! Realize your place in it.
10. Find yourself.  It is going to hurt like hell, it is going to bring about a lot of changes but in the end it is the greatest thing you can do for yourself.

These are just a few of the many lessons life taught me this year.  It was quite a year to say the least.  So now to kick off this new year I have come up with some resolutions.  First off I am going to learn a new language probably french because it sounds expensive.  Next I am going to embrace uncertainty, I am a girl with a plan but this year maybe a few less.  I also resolve to learn how to throw a punch, how to shot a gun, shotgun a beer, and play poker.  A girl should be able to hang with boys, drink tea with the queen and roll with the girls.  Lastly I am going to surprise myself everyday and maybe along the way do something truly incredible.  This is my year and I hope it is yours as well.

xxx

B

Pinot Noir and Murder

So it is Friday and I thought since this evening I will be enjoying copious amounts of wine and having a binge session on Netflix in my giant bed, I should spend day 3 sharing my favorite things for a night in!

First a loaded Netflix queue of movies I have never seen and TV Shows that have multiple seasons.  Next you will need a drink of choice, for me it’s Pinot Noir.  The prettier the bottle, the better! Yes I chose wine based on the bottle.  Lastly snacks, I will be heading to Target on my lunch to pick up some brie and crackers and probably a pizza, some chips, and I think I will make some queso too! 

Now that you all the essentials you need to make sure you are completely comfortable and content.  For me this means throwing on my favorite slip and a giant sweater.  So put on whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.  I like to think if I am interrupted from my evening alone I could just hop out of bed slip on cute shoes and run out the door like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City the movie.  Luckily, though, I do not plan on being interrupted.

This has become one of my favorite rituals, yes it is a ritual.  I tend to spend the week dealing with crazy people or trying to not go on feminist rants when every guy who walks in thinks it is appropriate to blurt out exactly what he is thinking, so having a night to not deal with anyone or anything has become a real luxury. 

I hope all you darlings have a fabulous Friday whatever you do, and if you find yourself spending the night as I am please fill the comments with Netflix recommendations!

XXX

B

Single Girls Guide from the Perpetually Single

Someone once said "I'm not surprised that you don't have a boyfriend.  I don't want you to take that the wrong way, I just don't think that very many people your age would be able to keep up with you.  You know who you are and you know what you want to do.  Your eyes light up when you talk about your passions, and you're not afraid to defy social norms and be who you are.  And all of this, it scares people."

I know a couple things about being single because I have a self-proclaimed black heart and absolutely no belief in love...ok yes I am clearly delusional and a liar.  However regardless I have loved a boy here and there so I get what heartbreak followed by navigating single life is like (a horror film in black and white) especially after you go through a rough breakup.  On that note, here we go, as many of you know I am a lover of being alone, my bed and Netflix is an endless love affair and I am ok with that. For those of you who are not so good at alone time, embrace it because there is nothing as settling and as wonderful as learning how to be ok alone and like it. It has taken me a long time to master the art of being alone and liking it and there are definitely moments when I call up a BFF and bitch about how I miss my ex or hate that I have no plans on a Saturday or even Friday. Not to mention this whole being alone thing is a lot harder not being in Chicago because I could go to the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM then grab a Tea and wander around till all hours or grab dinner at 10 pm and not feel weird for eating alone. Not to mention in a world where all my friends are in committed relationships, moving in together and planning futures it is easy to get a little bitter. It can get hard being the 23 year old grown up who prefers nights in with tea to a night drinking cosmos with strangers in a packed bar. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a night out, getting dressed up solely for the looks that ensue when I walk in but that’s something I prefer to do every once and awhile now. So what to do when you realize more of Taylor Swift's songs speak to you than not? Well throw on some pretty lingerie and dance by your hot ass self. Which leads me to well, my dancing alone moment.
I have decided that regardless of what Prince Charming might come riding up with flowers on a gallant horse to court me I am spending at least 3 years being single (I am 4 months in) well at least 18 months (because that’s how long TSwift has been single and the girl is killin it so might as well follow in her footsteps).  That being said I have also discovered a new perspective on breakups and relationships.

My new perspective is:  People do not change, they become who they truly are.  You have to allow people to do this, you have to allow people to experience life and grow and figure things out.  This is usually best done alone.  You have to gracefully let people take their exit and one day if it is meant to be it will be; the reverse Murphy’s Law.   And hey maybe in a few years maybe in a few months you guys can have dinner and it will be like no time has passed or he will show up with a boom-box outside your window or on a lawnmower and you can have the great 80’s movie ending! (This scenario is my dream by the way).  On being in a relationship, you do not need and should not need constant contact, they are not Rom-Coms, and if you love someone you make sacrifices and compromises and you never view them as such.  I want the relationship I look forward to everyday.  I think the idea is that you know it is real without hesitation or a need for reassurance.  I want to have my life and he has his life and we celebrate that together.  It is that or nothing, because being single isn't the worst thing.

This is not anything new or profound.   That annoying phrase “if you let something go and it comes back it was meant to be” come to mind?  Now you are thinking easier said than done right? You really love him! Life alone is miserable!  He is probably off sleeping with every girl on Tinder!  But wait your best friends saw him and he is miserable so you should try to win him back!  STOP, stop it right now.  He left, let him go.  He needs to do his thing even if it is sleeping with every girl on Tinder, and if that totally kills your respect for him then move on.  Also while everyone involved may be regretting the breakup, it happened because one or both of you thought at the time it was the best decision, and at the time it probably was.  But now, this is your moment to make sure you are the absolute best person you can be because if you get your 80’s movie montage you will thank me for reminding you that while you miss him and I understand that, you need to learn to be alone before you can truly be with someone else. 

So now what to do with all your free time? BE SELFISH!

•       Join a gym, find classes you like! ( I am a fan of hot yoga 3-4x a week and I want to start kickboxing)
• Invite a friend over to drink copious amounts of wine and watch Netflix with you. (I do not recommend Salem but Grey’s Anatomy never gets old)
• Become a member at a museum.  Treat yourself to a latte and a stroll admiring someone else’s thoughts.
• Go on a million first dates.  Literally just go on one, max three dates with people you find interesting or just extremely attractive and be the one who walks away.  POWER TRIP and an EGO BOOST.
• Spend an entire day, better yet spend an entire weekend in your favorite lingerie or pajamas and read books and watch gossip girl and drink way too much tea and coffee.  You will realize this is actually an amazing ritual and will learn how to comfortable alone.
• Lastly pack a bag, gas up your car and take a road trip! Document the whole thing in pictures, tweets, whatever you want

So call him, ask him to coffee, text him if you must and tell him you love him, and tell him you are going to be being a bad-ass and that he is welcome to call if he ever misses you and realizes you guys deserve another chance and then walk away. 

However if you just got out of a horrible relationship and he is not worth a second of your time, or maybe you thought he was but this post changed your mind; delete him.  Remove him entirely from your life and make sure he stays gone.  Then follow steps 1-6 and your Knight in Shining Armor will one day appear.  If he doesn't who cares buy yourself something shiny and rescue yourself!

This is dedicated to all the single girls who think fighting for love means constantly trying to get back together with your ex, to all the girls who are in relationships because it seems better than being alone, and to one of my best friends who asked me how I do it.

XXX
B