Thoughts From 35,000 ft: Bombs and Plane Crashes

When I first started this job the first question I would be asked about my job would always be, "Is it so much fun?" but the second question was almost always "Aren't you scared?".  No, is my standard response because to be honest I never really have been.  They say you are more likely to die crossing the street than on a plane.  But, now I know why people ask...because of today's incident in Brussels, because of 9/11, and because terrorism is rampant all over the world and it's proven that using planes to create mass panic works.

Sure I have thought about how I could die on a plane, I know that given 2 minutes there are a handful of people I would text, but I don't think about it every time I step onto an aircraft.   I don't know if I could do my job if every time I got on a plane I considered what I would say in a goodbye text to my parents, my brother, my best friends, and the select other few people who fall in the "given the opportunity I need to say goodbye" list.  I have never been good at saying goodbye to begin with so if I was starting every day contemplating what I would say, I would be a wreck the entire day!

Every human being, including you, is born with the potential to be and do more than anybody in this world. You were born to have an impact on somebody, just like every single breathing soul on this earth.

—  James & Allie

I do consider terrorist attacks all the time though.  But it seems like fluke plane crashes are more common than a hijacked aircraft or planted bomb these days.  I am trained to notice every person who walks on board my flight.  Determine who could help in an emergency, who might need extra help in a situation, and notice any suspicious characters.  I have seen every plane crash, I remember 9/11, I have read all those articles, and watched all the movies, not to mention heard all the stories of incidents from people I have worked with.  I think this is why I think about it so much.  It is a constant topic of conversation.  I know that the aviation industry is one of the largest targets for terrorist organizations so I have to consider it with all the violence our world is enduring at the hands of terrorists.  

This morning when I so happened to be awake at 3 am when news of the Brussels attack hit media, my first thought was holy shit it's happening again.  I then thought about everyone I know who works our international flights and accounted for where they might be to rule out Brussels.  I then started reading all the articles and watching the videos.  I myself was supposed to be walking out the door to go meet a friend in Florida but I was glued to my couch.  I had woken up 30 minutes earlier and decided not to go then heard of what had happened.  I realized all I could do was write.  I sit here writing this and watching planes land and my heart gets a certain tug at every descending plane.

So far 21 people have been killed in Brussels, 2,977 people died on 9/11,  224 people died on the Russian charter flight back in October.  These are just 3 incidents, but when you look at a timeline of events, it has been going on since 1933 and several plots have been foiled, such as the infamous "shoe bomber".  While recently in NYC I went to the 9/11 memorial, being a flight attendant I knew it would touch me a little differently than if I hadn't chosen this career.  I did't know that the first names I would come across would be cabin crew, I didn't expect it to move me to tears, and I didn't expect to just want to sit there and soak it all in.  I stood there starting at the names of the Flight 11 cabin crew thinking I hope I never know anyone who dies like this.  Writing this breaks my heart all over again because some my favorite people in the whole world now are cabin crew like me.  You never think it will be you or anyone you know till it is.

"No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world"

-Dead Poets Society

I just hate that I live in a world filled with so much hate and violence.  I hate that it seems like nothing is being done to make it stop.  I hate that it could be me or someone I know who ends up in an airport or on a plane that is used as a weapon of mass destruction.  What I don't hate is my job.  I refuse to let some horrible, awful person make me feel scared when I haven't before.  I won't stop getting up, putting on my wings, and welcoming people aboard my flights.  I guess the point is that this world we live in is messy and violent and at times it's heartbreaking.  We have a choice though, to be scared and let that fear consume us or we can stand together affected by what happened but determined to effect change.  We have to make this world a safer place, we have to stand up, we have to fight.  As a flight attendant I bow my head to all those people who lost their lives, to the people who lost someone, and to all of those who are scared.  My heart is with Brussels but my mind is desperately trying to find a way to change the world.

xxx
your favorite flight attendant
B

Thoughts From 35,000: Tales From my Exit Row

I just got home from a trip and on this particular trip I had to work on our "big" plane...its not actually that big of a plane in comparison to others in our fleet.  The position I was working meant that I got to sit in that awkward jumpsuit in the exit row facing the passengers sitting in that row, which will usually illicit conversation or a staring competition followed by staring out the window.  Today I got both.  Grab your alcohol and let's do this!

Mr. and Mrs. Upgrade:  This couple boarded my plane as if they were movie stars and grumbled as they passed through first class and took their seats in the exit row.  Once boarding was finished they tried to peer from their seats to see anything open in first.  I can't judge because I have done it too however, when the gate agent walked back and upgraded 2 passengers that were not them, they immediately decided we were the worst airline ever! How dare we!  They sat in silence the entire flight all 4 hours of it.  Upon landing the person sitting next to them asked why they were in phoenix, they responded for the Phoenix Open.  The look on their faces when he called it the "wasted management open" was priceless (she was not impressed more offended and her husband was mad that someone let her in on what he got her into).  I wanted to comment that they were attending the drunkest golf tournament there is not Wimbledon, but I kept my pretty mouth shut and told them to have fun!

The Traveler and The Lady Boss:  Sitting right next to my jumpsuit were two women who until this fateful moment had never met!  I could tell this is where they usually sat because when I walked over all of their bags were neatly placed under the seat.  This is usually a conversation I have to have with all the passengers sitting there (you do have to put them on the floor and under the seat, the couple previously mentioned didn't like that either).  They were immediately engrossed in quick conversation, first the usually who are you and where do you come from but it evolved into a highly fascinating conversation.  One was smitten with Paris and shared all her stories about the city of lights and how she's become fearless about traveling all over the world.  The other woman shared her stories of starting her own chocolate business (you know I was really interested in eavesdropping on that conversation).  Her chocolates are made unlike any others and because of that they have a very earthy taste to them and are not all that bad for you!  I walked away from that conversation dreaming of Paris at the end of the month and of eating tons and tons of chocolate, which reminds me I need to find her store!  These were some seriously inspiring women!

The Engaged:  If you have ever flown into Charlotte you know that you land and then you practically drive across state lines to actually get to the gates so while we drove to the airport the two men in my exit row began to chat about life.  Come to find out the young man in the aisle was recently engaged.  He started telling the already married gentleman in the window about how he did it and how freaking nervous he was.  The gentleman told him that was how he knew it was right, nervousness and being scared is ok, his son had just gotten engaged as well and felt the exact same way.  AMEN.  I listened and smiled all the way to gate about proposals, wedding plans, and their lives.

Pilot 1 and Pilot 2:  Sometimes you end up with people on your plane who will share their whole story with you, who you end up having real conversations with knowing when the flight ends you will never cross paths again.  This happened with Pilot 1&2 that night.  Immediately the one who was sharing leg room with me asked about my trip and where else we had to go that night, the usual small talk between two people in the same line of work.  The somehow we started talking about our dreams and what we wanted out of life.  He was working for our regional carrier but planning on making the jump to main line in the near future.  He lived in Charolette, bought a house and learned how to be a grown-up over the years.  Now he speaks to new pilots and teaches in his off time.  I told him about my love for the law and he urged me to go to law school, Harvard has online classes now right?  Pilot 2 talked about his family and pilot life on reserve and how to have a life and love your job in this line of work.  We laughed and chatted about everything and nothing.  They grabbed their bags and Pilot 1 parting words were go out and see the world, have fun, then do whatever you want, best of luck!

Like I said in my first post in this series I get to meet all these people everyday, some I talk about with admiration and some I talk about with disgust.  You never meet the same person with the same story twice though.  Till next week!

xxx
B

Wear Lipstick That is Too Dark

I have a real flair for the dramatics, especially when it comes to dressing and my lipstick choices.  In my new found career though I spend most days in Polyester-Wool Blend uniforms.  I value the occasional brunch that deserves heels and I have come to terms with dressing up for no reason other than to run errands.  I have also learned that sometimes in life you just have to put on the killer "fashion girl" outfit, wear lipstick that is too dark, and blast some Taylor Swift or gangster rap.  This among these next 10 lessons are what I have learned while surviving my pre-quarter life crisis.

Lipstick: Marc Jacobs / Top: Kate Spade (worn backwards) / Pants: JCrew

lesson #1: Everyone fails in their 20's
      I kid you not, everyone.  Just google someone you admire or who aspire to be like and see where they were in their 20's.  This when you get to quit jobs and travel.  This is when you figure out who you are and what you want.  So go out and fail.  Fail hard.  Keep doing it again and again until you find yourself and what you want.

lesson #2: Keep kissing losers
      Kiss all of them! Kissing burns calories (see below).  Kissing releases endorphins and those make you happy.  Kissing losers will make appreciate the winner when you kiss him too.  So keep kissing!

lesson #3: Eat the cupcakes (and popeye's and pizza and all the other "bad" food)
      There is nothing wrong with indulging in the delicious things in life.  Enjoy them because one day they will make you really fat and it won't be fun anymore.  So for now indulge and if you feel like you must, go to the gym or a hot yoga class.

lesson #4: Leave your comfort zone
      For me, it was leaving all the sure and practical options behind and taking up life at 35000 feet.  If it terrifies you, you should do it.  Someone famous once said that but I can't remember who.  The farther you get from your comfort zone the more you learn about yourself.  (one more way to discover who you are!)

lesson #5: Wear ballgowns to lunch and heels to the grocery store
      You have to get it where you can!  Dress up for no reason at all.  Or do the opposite and don't dress up, wear sweats all day and be really effing comfortable!  You can never be overdressed, because if you are people will just think you are coming from somewhere better or going somewhere better.  Also, if you are in leggings with a giant shirt on people think you just came from a spin class with Victoria's Secret models but,  jokes on them because you might have just rolled out of bed, they'll never know!

lesson #6: Find your red
      Of the 10 red lipsticks I own, there are 2 I love.  I have yet to find the exact shade of red I truly want to become my signature red, though.  Red lipstick fixes everything and it makes you look like a badass so find your shade.

lesson #7: Find your moisturizer
      Mine is Clinique Superdefense.  It is a daily moisturizer with SPF and prevents aging.  It also combats free radicals and radiation which I am exposed to at higher than normal levels being a flight attendant.  You want to be a hot 30-year-old and an even hotter 40/50/60-year-old so start treating your skin right now.  Give it the best chance it has against what life will throw at it.

lesson #8: You don't have to party like you did in college to be a cool kid
      Don't get me wrong, I can still party, but it is no longer something I find myself obligated to do.  While I can no longer drink frat boys under the table, you'll almost never find me dancing on a table, and I spend more nights enjoying a glass of wine instead of handles of flammable vodka, that doesn't mean a good time isn't necessary sometimes.  There are a million other ways to be a cool kid too, though.  Go out and have a good time if you want to but this is not recruitment, you are no longer required to be blackout.

lesson #9: Drink the wine, the whiskey, the vodka and the Pina Coladas
       Stock you bar cart for the rainy day drink, the roommate had a shit day drink, you had a shit day drink, the celebratory drink, and the well we have the alcohol so we should drink it, drink.  We always have at least one bottle of wine in the house.  Currently, we have 4 bottles of wine and vodka, we are clearly ready to party!  Champagne Thursday is also a holiday everyone should celebrate (it is ok if Thursday comes every day too)

lesson #10: Find your Band of Bitches:  Mine are scattered all over the world.  I have a few fabulous queens who give me life and who are the most fabulous bitches I know.  I have two roommates who are the Destiny to my Child (G is Beyonce).  Then there is Miss Arkansas who I swear is my soulmate.  And of course, there is my little hippie dream aka training roomie!  Then there are the original bitches who are mentioned in the orginal band of bitches post.  Everyone needs a band, and coming from the girl who is really good at being alone, if I think you need one, you do.

Bag: Target customized by Me / Sandals: Target

 xxx
B

Long List of Ex Lovers

Disclaimer:  No boys were hurt in the making of this post, ok maybe just one or two (I kid).

      I have dated every type of guy there is and loved just about as many of them.  I claim to be a cold hearted, love hating, and black soul bearing girl when it comes to romance, but truthfully I see the best in people. I have taken a flying leap of faith for guys more often than I care to admit.  With that in mind, I would like to introduce to you to my long list of ex-lovers (well some of the more memorable ones I should say).  I loved and lost and while some of them I had relationships with and some were boys I just couldn't make stick around they all have a story or better yet a song.  I hope you find my trials and tribulations an inspiration to keep kissing boys or girls or both to find your love story.  After all Taylor Swift got hers.

Continue to share your heart with people even if it has been broken.

-Amy Poehler, Harvard Speech

Fifteen: When you are 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you're going to believe them.  He was my first everything.  At 15 then 16 I thought he was it.   Baseball star and the boy who called me out on my not so black heart, the first boy I flew across a country for, and the first boy to break my heart.  From NM to FL he was my teenage love story that set the tone for years and years to come.  Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine.  Cause when you're 15 you give everything you have to boys who change their minds.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together:  This is just exhausting.  Everyone will date someone who you seem to constantly have in your life.  You dated, then became friends, talked about dating again, dated other people, are still friends, and then talk about dating again.  You have so much history and you've been there for each other through the best times and the worst, but eventually you wake up and realize your "relationship" is exhausting and gosh always so dramatic.  At this point, you have to just spare each others feelings and say you are never ever ever getting back together like ever.

Innocent: Every girl will at some point date a bad boy, mine was rock n roll dream.  Problem with bad boys is they are filled with trouble.  But I learned to just sit back and enjoy the music, to live with a certain amount of passion from him.  It was a brief moment shared, but I know I will always find him in certain towns on buses with bands.  Just know, your string of lights is still bright to me, Oh, who you are is not what you've been.  You're still an innocent.  It's okay, life is a tough crowd, 32, and still growin' up now, who you are is not what you did. You're still an innocent. Time turns flames to embers.  You'll have new Septembers, every one of us has messed up too. Minds change like the weather I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.

Begin Again: There I was all dressed in black staring out the window silently hoping no one would sit next to me when you stopped and asked if the seat was taken.  I took one look at you and knew this was going to be an interesting flight.  I was going to Chicago, first time back since moving and you were heading home.  You thought I was funny and said you'd never met a girl quite like me.  We talk about your soccer career and whiskey and our families like we were catching up over coffee.  You offer to get my bags for me and grab me a cab and you have no idea how nice that is.  I say goodbye and you kiss my cheek and just like that I watched it begin again.  I'd spent the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end but on that day on a plane, I watched it begin again.

Bad Blood:  You were the nice guy till you weren't.    My parents loved you, always a gentleman, held my hand, opened doors, and smiled at me like I was something more.  Smooth on TV and smooth with me.  Last time I saw you I thought we actually stood a chance.   Bandaids don't fix bullet holes, you love like that blood runs cold.  It used to be mad love so take a look, a look what you've done because baby now we got bad blood.  If you're coming my way just don't.

I’m just not interested in the things that won’t last forever.

-	John Mayer ( Interview: ‘Recovered Ego Addict’)

Clean:  You told my best friend you were in love with me so I took a chance on the boy who was supposed to be "the nice guy", it was snowing and I realized I was falling, then it was spring and I was sure of you.  You never let me hold the umbrella because when I did you ended up wet, I taught you that cerulean was a color and danced around your bedroom to Fleetwood Mac.  Summer came with one sided I love you's but with fireworks in July came hope with your arms wrapped around me and the pictures to prove it, until August when you said goodbye.  It was months and months of back and forth, you were all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore.  Hung my head, as I lost the war and the sky, turned black like a perfect storm.  10 months sober I must admit just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it.  

Dear John/ Wonderland:  Flashing lights and we took a wrong turn and we fell down a rabbit hole.  You held on tight to me because nothing is as it seems.  We found wonderland you and I got lost in it and life was never worse but never better.  I reached for you, but you were gone.  You search the world for something else that makes you feel like what we had, and in the end in Wonderland we both went mad.  It was the first day of my new life when you introduced yourself to me, then the next day you surprised me by remembering me.  Weeks passed with quick hellos and I never would've thought that a month later I would be making you fall in love with New York.  Serendipity, kisses on street corners, eating our way through NYC and conversations about everything we wanted out of life.  I showed you all the places that inspired me and little did you know you'd inspire me too.  I finally thought I had got it right.  I will miss our conversations and hell I'll miss you.  You call yourself a monster, but I know deep down you're just scared to try.  I should've listened to your warnings, should've never given you too much time, but I saw how good, good could be and ignored all the warning signs.  And you'll add my name to the long list of others who just don't understand and I'll look back and regret not listening when they said run as fast as you can.  You are an expert at "sorry" and keeping lines blurry.  (I'll see you in an airport someday)

You will kiss hundreds of frogs, you will cry millions of tears, and you will have thousands of adventures in the search of love.  Fight for love and love all the stupid boys even if just for a minute.  I promise you every jerk who breaks your heart will teach you a lesson about yourself and while you might lose the boy, I hope you find yourself, and I hope that just like for me that somehow that is everything.

If you gotta force it, just leave it alone. Relationships, friendships, ponytails.. Just leave it.

-Reyna Biddy xxx B

Thank you, Taylor Swift,  for writing exactly what all of us girls think and feel!

Single and Never Sure How to Mingle

Several months ago I decided on being single for 18 months (a la Taylor Swift) and well now that I am quickly approaching 1 year of being "super" single, I decided we should revisit the issue or better yet the journey.

As I write this I am cup number 2 of coffee (new favorite Glazed Chocolate Donut) and have found out that yet another ex is married, I am pretty sure every ex I have ever had is in a serious relationship.  I am just here being cool, drinking coffee and champagne, buying expensive clothes, and traveling the world.

Needless to say I am a hopeless romantic and let's stress the hopeless part because let's be honest, who wants to date someone who spends 75+ hours a month in the air and is rarely sure where she is, where she is going, or when she will be home.  Now for the romantic part, well I want the flowers and the whole fairytale thing but I also want to be left alone sometimes so maybe I am just really confused on what a girl has to do to find her prince charming.  I also refuse to kiss any frogs so that idea is a no go!  But you have to ask what does a girl gotta do to get some consistency?

If you asked me, I would tell you that all I really want is someone who is constant, no mess, no confusion, just simple relationship.  I realize that what I am looking for only exists in an alternate reality.  Is it that hard to just like someone though and let that be enough?  I don't think so, we are a society inclined to endless options, why have one when you can have two, always scared of commitment or connecting with someone too much, a fear of missing out fuels the egotistic and un-monogamous views of society.  This is my downfall in the dating scene because I literally cannot talk to multiple people at one time, someone ends up slowly getting pushed out and then all my eggs are in one basket (no pun intended).  But everyone else is doing it so why can't I figure out how to casually date till I find the one worth keeping around?  I have never been a casual person, unless it comes to my wardrobe but even then you'll find me in a ball gown for brunch on occasion.  So again I ask what's a girl gotta do? 

I'm starting to think that if I can casually date people that one has to actually end up being worth my time but how annoying that I had to waste my time with the guys who don't work out, not to mention probably share personal details of my life and what not while I was at it.  My life might end up being a real life bachelorette season.  Maybe that is exactly what a girls gotta do, open up and see what happens!  Which leads me to my next adventure, giving guys a chance, date and share my life with a few people and see if I find Prince Charming.  I think a few times I could have found him, maybe if I had tried just little harder, told him how I felt, risked a little more.  Maybe you have to risk more in life.

“Life is too damn short and [screwed] up to go through it silently loving someone and never telling them how you feel. [Screw] the consequences, [screw] the implications of the actions, to hell with it all… whatever happens as a result is better than the nothingness that is inevitable with silence.”

—	Janis Joplin  (via wordsnquotes)

Then again being single, chugging champagne, and traveling the world has been pretty great thus far.  At the end of the day I'm not going to settle for someone who thinks I'm anything less than extraordinary, better yet magical and if right now I'm the only one who see that then I would rather be single.

“This is not a girl who waits by the phone. This is a girl who picks up the phone and calls whoever she wants.”

—	BJ Novak on Mindy Kaling (via woman-rebel)

This could be forever, or it could go down in flames...(thank you Taylor for writing another song about me)

What's a darling to do?

xxx
B

All Things Blyss

Lara Stone by Gilles Marie Zimmermann for The Sunday Times Style, August 3, 2014

Blyss: meaning joy, cheer, intense happiness.

Amara: beloved, eternal beauty, imperishable.

I guess you can say my parents had high hopes for me from the beginning because they gave me a loaded name, and you know people expect you to live up to your names.  I think thus far I have, I mean I have a boss whose response to a person asking about any flaws I might have she said I am too happy.  Beloved yes, Eternal beauty well not to be vain but I don’t think I look like a troll or anything so there’s that, and imperishable well let’s say I’m pretty sure given a cape and some latex leggings I could save the world.  I figured the best way to kick off this event of 12 days of Blyss I should begin with a bit of a biography. 

Basically I can be summed up into my Tumblr Bio which is: Recent college graduate setting out to be the real Elle Woods.  A world filled with my adventures and mistakes all courtesy to my pre-quarter life crisis.   Heading to Law School, maybe even The Peace Corps, a few broken hearts and some serious big city explorations.  Just your girl next door with higher heels, better hair.  Nothing is ever as it seems and no dreams are ever too big.  My life can be summed up into Taylor Swift’s 1989 the deluxe edition, 80’s movies minus the grand gestures, Hemingway and Fitzgerald novels without the romances, and a hint of Fight Club.  Welcome to the Big Top.

Eloise at the Plaza

Now that we got that out of the way you should also know I have an intense desire to change the world and I am crazy enough to think I can!  I am fairly certain one day I will make a groundbreaking discovery and be able to create lasting world peace.  I mean honestly I think if I was put in a room with all the leaders of the world we could come to an agreement on how to get things done within a year or less.

Also, I am a giant paradox, a series of contradictions.  I am the girl who constantly loves more but swears she is a stone cold bitch.  I love to be alone but am worried everyone is hanging out without me.  I am well aware that I am totally strange, people have been telling me my whole life but I learned it is my best quality.  I am very calculated and at the same time the girl who goes with her gut not her head. 

I am a writer, obviously.  I think it is the one thing I can clearly label myself because it is something I have always done.  Make me mad, I write.  Fall in love, I write.  Broken heart, oh yea definitely writing.  Just figuring out life means pages of writing.  I write about everything.  My notebooks are the musings of my mind every second of everyday. 

I am one of a kind.  You’ll never meet anyone like me. 

I like to think that all these things that make me who I am will one day be sprawled out in a book and people all over will read it and be utterly and completely inspired.  I hope you are.

Welcome to 12 days of Blyss!

Cheers
XXX
B

Mimosas, Black and Being in Love

Let's have a chat about what inspires me...well first off mimosas are very inspiring as well as drinks that come in fabulous fruit instead of cups but I like to think that alcohol is not the only thing that inspires me.  Ok, honestly, I am inspired by many and I mean many things but lately it has been a lot of romantic ideas that have been getting my creativity flowing.  Weird, I know because I am a soul-less ginger who believes everything is better in black but really I have this new romanticism thing going for me.  I have decided that even though I am completely broke, like living below the poverty line and using money that is not mine to pay my outrageous rent that I must, I absolutely must have real flowers on my coffee table.  Do you know how over priced flowers are, especially because the only decent flower shop I have found is in my best friend's really overpriced neighborhood! Along with flowers I have become accustomed to writing frilly notes to everyone I know because I was inspired by sappy romantic movies that didn't have texting to talk to people (if we are friends check your mail!).  I have found myself walking around Chicago on several occasions lately smitten...which means I'm the weirdo walking around with an unusually high bun and a stupid smile plastered on her face looking at the buildings like a tourist.  But it is a romantic idea that all my dreams can come true , I can fall in love and live happily ever after like all those stories tell me I can.  I mean this idea that I can have flowers, and a charming apartment, and a handsome lover is well, inspiring.  I won't lie I am slightly delusional in a Holly Golightly kind of way (minus the cat) but it is true that I have found myself on a bender of whimsy lately.  Somewhere between looking for a job, trying to be social, and studying for the LSAT I find myself in love with so many new things, and I am not the kind of person who loves anything except sky high heels and a cup of coffee.  Somehow 5 months in this city has melted my black heart and here I am romantic ideas coupled with black blazers and ball gowns is where I have found my life lately.  I may be slightly unemployed but, everything will work out as it should.
Whatever inspires you own it!

xxx
B