Pinot Noir and Murder

So it is Friday and I thought since this evening I will be enjoying copious amounts of wine and having a binge session on Netflix in my giant bed, I should spend day 3 sharing my favorite things for a night in!

First a loaded Netflix queue of movies I have never seen and TV Shows that have multiple seasons.  Next you will need a drink of choice, for me it’s Pinot Noir.  The prettier the bottle, the better! Yes I chose wine based on the bottle.  Lastly snacks, I will be heading to Target on my lunch to pick up some brie and crackers and probably a pizza, some chips, and I think I will make some queso too! 

Now that you all the essentials you need to make sure you are completely comfortable and content.  For me this means throwing on my favorite slip and a giant sweater.  So put on whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.  I like to think if I am interrupted from my evening alone I could just hop out of bed slip on cute shoes and run out the door like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City the movie.  Luckily, though, I do not plan on being interrupted.

This has become one of my favorite rituals, yes it is a ritual.  I tend to spend the week dealing with crazy people or trying to not go on feminist rants when every guy who walks in thinks it is appropriate to blurt out exactly what he is thinking, so having a night to not deal with anyone or anything has become a real luxury. 

I hope all you darlings have a fabulous Friday whatever you do, and if you find yourself spending the night as I am please fill the comments with Netflix recommendations!

XXX

B

Single Girls Guide from the Perpetually Single

Someone once said "I'm not surprised that you don't have a boyfriend.  I don't want you to take that the wrong way, I just don't think that very many people your age would be able to keep up with you.  You know who you are and you know what you want to do.  Your eyes light up when you talk about your passions, and you're not afraid to defy social norms and be who you are.  And all of this, it scares people."

I know a couple things about being single because I have a self-proclaimed black heart and absolutely no belief in love...ok yes I am clearly delusional and a liar.  However regardless I have loved a boy here and there so I get what heartbreak followed by navigating single life is like (a horror film in black and white) especially after you go through a rough breakup.  On that note, here we go, as many of you know I am a lover of being alone, my bed and Netflix is an endless love affair and I am ok with that. For those of you who are not so good at alone time, embrace it because there is nothing as settling and as wonderful as learning how to be ok alone and like it. It has taken me a long time to master the art of being alone and liking it and there are definitely moments when I call up a BFF and bitch about how I miss my ex or hate that I have no plans on a Saturday or even Friday. Not to mention this whole being alone thing is a lot harder not being in Chicago because I could go to the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM then grab a Tea and wander around till all hours or grab dinner at 10 pm and not feel weird for eating alone. Not to mention in a world where all my friends are in committed relationships, moving in together and planning futures it is easy to get a little bitter. It can get hard being the 23 year old grown up who prefers nights in with tea to a night drinking cosmos with strangers in a packed bar. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a night out, getting dressed up solely for the looks that ensue when I walk in but that’s something I prefer to do every once and awhile now. So what to do when you realize more of Taylor Swift's songs speak to you than not? Well throw on some pretty lingerie and dance by your hot ass self. Which leads me to well, my dancing alone moment.
I have decided that regardless of what Prince Charming might come riding up with flowers on a gallant horse to court me I am spending at least 3 years being single (I am 4 months in) well at least 18 months (because that’s how long TSwift has been single and the girl is killin it so might as well follow in her footsteps).  That being said I have also discovered a new perspective on breakups and relationships.

My new perspective is:  People do not change, they become who they truly are.  You have to allow people to do this, you have to allow people to experience life and grow and figure things out.  This is usually best done alone.  You have to gracefully let people take their exit and one day if it is meant to be it will be; the reverse Murphy’s Law.   And hey maybe in a few years maybe in a few months you guys can have dinner and it will be like no time has passed or he will show up with a boom-box outside your window or on a lawnmower and you can have the great 80’s movie ending! (This scenario is my dream by the way).  On being in a relationship, you do not need and should not need constant contact, they are not Rom-Coms, and if you love someone you make sacrifices and compromises and you never view them as such.  I want the relationship I look forward to everyday.  I think the idea is that you know it is real without hesitation or a need for reassurance.  I want to have my life and he has his life and we celebrate that together.  It is that or nothing, because being single isn't the worst thing.

This is not anything new or profound.   That annoying phrase “if you let something go and it comes back it was meant to be” come to mind?  Now you are thinking easier said than done right? You really love him! Life alone is miserable!  He is probably off sleeping with every girl on Tinder!  But wait your best friends saw him and he is miserable so you should try to win him back!  STOP, stop it right now.  He left, let him go.  He needs to do his thing even if it is sleeping with every girl on Tinder, and if that totally kills your respect for him then move on.  Also while everyone involved may be regretting the breakup, it happened because one or both of you thought at the time it was the best decision, and at the time it probably was.  But now, this is your moment to make sure you are the absolute best person you can be because if you get your 80’s movie montage you will thank me for reminding you that while you miss him and I understand that, you need to learn to be alone before you can truly be with someone else. 

So now what to do with all your free time? BE SELFISH!

•       Join a gym, find classes you like! ( I am a fan of hot yoga 3-4x a week and I want to start kickboxing)
• Invite a friend over to drink copious amounts of wine and watch Netflix with you. (I do not recommend Salem but Grey’s Anatomy never gets old)
• Become a member at a museum.  Treat yourself to a latte and a stroll admiring someone else’s thoughts.
• Go on a million first dates.  Literally just go on one, max three dates with people you find interesting or just extremely attractive and be the one who walks away.  POWER TRIP and an EGO BOOST.
• Spend an entire day, better yet spend an entire weekend in your favorite lingerie or pajamas and read books and watch gossip girl and drink way too much tea and coffee.  You will realize this is actually an amazing ritual and will learn how to comfortable alone.
• Lastly pack a bag, gas up your car and take a road trip! Document the whole thing in pictures, tweets, whatever you want

So call him, ask him to coffee, text him if you must and tell him you love him, and tell him you are going to be being a bad-ass and that he is welcome to call if he ever misses you and realizes you guys deserve another chance and then walk away. 

However if you just got out of a horrible relationship and he is not worth a second of your time, or maybe you thought he was but this post changed your mind; delete him.  Remove him entirely from your life and make sure he stays gone.  Then follow steps 1-6 and your Knight in Shining Armor will one day appear.  If he doesn't who cares buy yourself something shiny and rescue yourself!

This is dedicated to all the single girls who think fighting for love means constantly trying to get back together with your ex, to all the girls who are in relationships because it seems better than being alone, and to one of my best friends who asked me how I do it.

XXX
B

All Things Blyss

Lara Stone by Gilles Marie Zimmermann for The Sunday Times Style, August 3, 2014

Blyss: meaning joy, cheer, intense happiness.

Amara: beloved, eternal beauty, imperishable.

I guess you can say my parents had high hopes for me from the beginning because they gave me a loaded name, and you know people expect you to live up to your names.  I think thus far I have, I mean I have a boss whose response to a person asking about any flaws I might have she said I am too happy.  Beloved yes, Eternal beauty well not to be vain but I don’t think I look like a troll or anything so there’s that, and imperishable well let’s say I’m pretty sure given a cape and some latex leggings I could save the world.  I figured the best way to kick off this event of 12 days of Blyss I should begin with a bit of a biography. 

Basically I can be summed up into my Tumblr Bio which is: Recent college graduate setting out to be the real Elle Woods.  A world filled with my adventures and mistakes all courtesy to my pre-quarter life crisis.   Heading to Law School, maybe even The Peace Corps, a few broken hearts and some serious big city explorations.  Just your girl next door with higher heels, better hair.  Nothing is ever as it seems and no dreams are ever too big.  My life can be summed up into Taylor Swift’s 1989 the deluxe edition, 80’s movies minus the grand gestures, Hemingway and Fitzgerald novels without the romances, and a hint of Fight Club.  Welcome to the Big Top.

Eloise at the Plaza

Now that we got that out of the way you should also know I have an intense desire to change the world and I am crazy enough to think I can!  I am fairly certain one day I will make a groundbreaking discovery and be able to create lasting world peace.  I mean honestly I think if I was put in a room with all the leaders of the world we could come to an agreement on how to get things done within a year or less.

Also, I am a giant paradox, a series of contradictions.  I am the girl who constantly loves more but swears she is a stone cold bitch.  I love to be alone but am worried everyone is hanging out without me.  I am well aware that I am totally strange, people have been telling me my whole life but I learned it is my best quality.  I am very calculated and at the same time the girl who goes with her gut not her head. 

I am a writer, obviously.  I think it is the one thing I can clearly label myself because it is something I have always done.  Make me mad, I write.  Fall in love, I write.  Broken heart, oh yea definitely writing.  Just figuring out life means pages of writing.  I write about everything.  My notebooks are the musings of my mind every second of everyday. 

I am one of a kind.  You’ll never meet anyone like me. 

I like to think that all these things that make me who I am will one day be sprawled out in a book and people all over will read it and be utterly and completely inspired.  I hope you are.

Welcome to 12 days of Blyss!

Cheers
XXX
B

Dark and Twisty

Here’s the thing when I left Chicago I couldn’t admit that I was really leaving.  I all of a sudden felt this need to be logical and practical so quickly I pushed everything I loved to one side and gave it zero value because obviously the fact that I was throwing away money on rent and not finding full time employment that paid the bills trumped everything.   I convinced myself that Chicago was not for me and had a whole slew of reasons why in case anyone questioned my logic.  I had it worked down to a single speech I could give with little variation to anyone who asked or made me feel as though I needed to justify what I was doing.   I told people coming home was my sabbatical, wouldn’t last longer than a year and I just needed a moment to myself to figure out what I wanted out of life.  The next thing I knew I was having my last meal in Chicago with my best friend then standing in an airport filled with the sense that I wasn't making the right decision and just waiting for a sign to not go, I needed a grand gesture.  It never came and I boarded that plane home.  Unfortunately I probably should’ve bought a ticket to Bali if clearing my head was really what I wanted.  Truth be told I know exactly what I want, everything.  And now every time I give my little speech to people shocked by my return home I feel a tinge of pain.  Leaving Chicago was the worst and best thing I ever did, because I realized I should’ve stayed and ultimately I have to stop running because in the words of Holly Golightly: no matter how far you run, you always run into yourself.   One month after leaving, I was faced with the chance to go back, I turned it down because yet again when practicality was weighed it didn't add up.  I would sell my soul to get out of New Mexico again but something has me wondering should I take the leap?  A year ago I was planning moves to NYC, maybe Paris, and then settled on Chicago without even a second thought so why now am I so concerned with what is and is not “practical”?  I am the opposite of practical by any definition; I wear ball gowns to brunch and can justify $400 shoes  For the first time in my life I can’t trust my heart, and I am a lead with your heart and tell your head to figure it out kind of person.   So the biggest question here is what happened in a year that messed me up so much? 

Claudia Schiffer in Look at Claudia for Vogue Italia, March 2009 by Patrick Demarchelier Styled by Patti Wilson

I am not sure if somewhere along the way I lost my unending self-confidence and belief that I was made for something larger, maybe I let the practical people in my life get into my head, maybe somewhere along the way I was told too many times that I have my head way too far up in the clouds.  I think perhaps I did the unthinkable and grew up and forgot those childish fantasies filled with whimsy and courage.  I think I forgot fairytales exist and like my brother said became colder than Chicago.  I have always been a little dark and twisty inside but I worry the dark over came all the glitter and gold. 

I refuse to settle, for a life less than extraordinary, for a man who isn’t ride or die, for a city who is never setting a higher standard, and for a job that doesn’t evoke passion every single day.   I will find that girl who was glitter and gold and fancy full of whimsy.  And I won’t find her here.  So here’s to throwing caution into the wind, saying yes, and learning how to believe in a world where I can have it all again.  I can tell I am on the brink of something extraordinary, I can feel it in my bones and in my heart. 

XXX

B

Ps.  To my littlest Knicks I know I said you would be in my next post but it took a turn and I promise on French fries and Red wine you will get your post! Love you

Liar Liar

Carrie Bradshaw lied

While the woman gave me the power to own my fashion statements and make excuses for drinking fancy coffee, while at one point smoking Marlboro Lights, and deciding that my life will be considered complete when I am purchasing an apt in Manhattan with a man I love while wearing Manolo Blahniks.  She is dirty dirty liar.    

Why you might ask…well for starters being single is not the worst thing in the world (not even Taylor Swift thinks so).  Wearing heels every day is painful, very painful.  Getting a job at Vogue is not as easy as it looks.  Just because you write a witty article doesn’t mean writing a book will fall in your lap (I certainly haven’t been approached for a book deal).  And last but not least there is nothing romantic about being heartbroken.

What Carrie got right though was our friends are our soul-mates, the shoes and the bag and the dress are always worth it, boys come and go but you will eventually get your “BIG” love and at the end of the day if all else fails go get yourself a Cosmo!

So while I am sitting here writing this you should know I am going to buy the shoes, drink the coffee, and make plans with all those girls who I haven’t seen in way too long!  And when my BIG love comes along you will be the first to know.

PS maybe a book is in the works…

xxx

B

Mimosas, Black and Being in Love

Let's have a chat about what inspires me...well first off mimosas are very inspiring as well as drinks that come in fabulous fruit instead of cups but I like to think that alcohol is not the only thing that inspires me.  Ok, honestly, I am inspired by many and I mean many things but lately it has been a lot of romantic ideas that have been getting my creativity flowing.  Weird, I know because I am a soul-less ginger who believes everything is better in black but really I have this new romanticism thing going for me.  I have decided that even though I am completely broke, like living below the poverty line and using money that is not mine to pay my outrageous rent that I must, I absolutely must have real flowers on my coffee table.  Do you know how over priced flowers are, especially because the only decent flower shop I have found is in my best friend's really overpriced neighborhood! Along with flowers I have become accustomed to writing frilly notes to everyone I know because I was inspired by sappy romantic movies that didn't have texting to talk to people (if we are friends check your mail!).  I have found myself walking around Chicago on several occasions lately smitten...which means I'm the weirdo walking around with an unusually high bun and a stupid smile plastered on her face looking at the buildings like a tourist.  But it is a romantic idea that all my dreams can come true , I can fall in love and live happily ever after like all those stories tell me I can.  I mean this idea that I can have flowers, and a charming apartment, and a handsome lover is well, inspiring.  I won't lie I am slightly delusional in a Holly Golightly kind of way (minus the cat) but it is true that I have found myself on a bender of whimsy lately.  Somewhere between looking for a job, trying to be social, and studying for the LSAT I find myself in love with so many new things, and I am not the kind of person who loves anything except sky high heels and a cup of coffee.  Somehow 5 months in this city has melted my black heart and here I am romantic ideas coupled with black blazers and ball gowns is where I have found my life lately.  I may be slightly unemployed but, everything will work out as it should.
Whatever inspires you own it!

xxx
B

Misery Business

I learned something today, nothing in life is worth being miserable over.  If you aren't happy get the hell out of dodge.  No apologies needed just go and find your happiness.  Being 23 is weird enough, no idea where my life is going, let alone how I am going to pay my bills because I had to have those $300 shoes and I really did need to eat the most expensive thing on the menu last night.  This is my life and believe me I'm well aware that my decisions are reckless but those shoes are killer and my meal was delicious.  So why should I spend any of my time being miserable, well believe me I am so over it.  Nothing and I mean nothing is worth it.

This leads to an important life lesson, growing up is about being honest.  Honest about what I want, what I need, what I feel and who I am.

That being said so far I know that I want a job I like and a guy whom I love.  Also I have decided that I want to be a force to be reckoned with, the kinda girl who walks into a room and you know she has arrived, the girl who walks like murder, laughs like nothing you've ever heard, and is the kinda girl you can't get enough of.  I have this very romantic sense of how I want life to be and I am sure as hell going to make my little dream world a reality.  I have always dreamed of this life I could have, so why not start having it now?  I dare anyone to tell me no...

Sometimes life doesn't come up all roses, believe me but maybe if I start being honest, being you know me, things will get rosier on the horizon.  Since recently quitting the misery I am already 10x the person I was yesterday so I can't begin to imagine who I am going to be by tomorrow.

My advice get honest, real honest.

xxx
B